First off I'd like to say that I'm so glad Jess is back!! I can't believe hackers these days, goodness!
Secondly, I BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!! She's beautiful, I looooove her!! I'll post a pic when I'm at my computer, I'm currently writing this from my cell. It's a 2011 Chevy Cruze (built here in Ohio, about 30 mins from me. Homestate pride!) and taupe grey. I am so excited because I've never bought a new car before, so I feel so accomplished!!
But, I need to share such an embarrassing story. My friend happens to work for a Classic car dealership, which there are like 10 of in my town alone, but he works for BMW and let's just say, I wasn't planning on going with that kinda purchase. But he knew someone at the Chevy dealership so he gave me a name and I went to see this guy. To my shock and excitement he was sooo freaking cute!! Why do your guy friends have other good looking guy friends and never let us in on that secret?! Anyway, he was also very knowledgeable and made me and my sister feel very comfortable, and 4 hours later he got me into the car I came to buy! I was trading in my old baby and just before pulling away my sister realized I'd left a CD in the player, so cutie said he'll go get it for me. I'm thinking of how nice that is until he starts walking back and my sister and I both realize that, sure enough, it's my oh-so-witty Girl Power cd!! Ya know, the one titled "Girls rule & boys FUCKING SUCK!!" Greeeeat impression, right?! Luckily he was actually funny about it, he said he had one that was just the opposite in his car, haha! But I was mortified.
Then we played a trick on our mutual friend, I told him his friend was a jerk and he told him I was mean...we had him going for awhile then he realized we were playing him, haha!
Ok, that's all I've got for right now. A real update (and the next installment of My Ex-Husband) is coming soon!! :)
xoxo,
Me
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Nice Little Saturday.
Today was pretty fab! I went to lunch and shopping with my gay hubby and my seester!! It was finally nice out today, so we went to Crocker Park and walked around the promenade to enjoy the beautiful weather!! I got an a.ma.zing. clutch from DSW Shoes!! Before heading out to Crocker my sis and I stopped at Target and I got two a-freaking-dorable bras on clearance for $4.98, what a steal, I couldn't pass it up!! Can I just mention how annoying I find it that the cashier leaves hangers on things you buy? I prefer if they ask, sometimes I want the hanger, sometimes I don't. But for bras...yeah, I am def not hanging my bras on hangers when I get home. Check out these beauties:
I turned my sister onto this nail polish by Rimmel called Steel Grey. It's seriously the PERFECT color! I'm obsessed with it and so is she. She bought two of them last weekend while we were at Target, haha. She's a nut!
Isn't it perfect?!
(I wish those were my nails, but they aren't.)
I'm currently sporting this other color by Rimmel called Cherry Fashion:
Fab, right?!
(Also not my nails.)
Last night I didn't have much going on and figured I'd make a "Girl Power" CD for one of the gals at work whose husband has just left her. She's keeping on a strong front at work but I know she's suffering. She had one of the other gals that we work with make her a CD with specific songs on it like "I Will Survive" and such, so I figured I'd surprise her with one of my own invention on Monday! I also figured I'd make myself a copy of it since I'm also still suffering from my not-so-recent breakup. I labeled mine: Girls Rule & Boys Fucking SUCK!! The back story to that is this...my BFF has kids, a boy and girl with only 2 years between them, so we always team up on the boy and say "Girls rule and boys drool!" and he says the opposite to us. I just kinda spiced it up and made it more adult. Here are the songs that I put on her CD:
Red High Heels - Kellie Pickler
Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
Kerosene - Miranda Lambert
Independent Women Pt. 1 - Destiny's Child
Summer Girl - Leighton Meester
Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson
What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
Move Along - All American Rejects
Best Days of Your Life - Kellie Pickler
Pocket Full of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Lady Marmalade - Various Artists
The Climb - Miley Cyrus
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
E.T. - Katy Perry (just because we like this song)
Do you guys have any other suggestions that I could maybe put on a second CD? This is a typical thing I would do for someone, even if we've only known each other a couple months. I love making new friends and I love doing things for people. Even if I barely know you but knew you liked something specifically I'd be the one who would buy it for you if I were out and saw it. So I like doing this kind of stuff to put a smile on someone's face, especially when I know they've been really down.
I hope everyone's having a fab weekend and have a very Happy Easter tomorrow!! :)
xoxo,
Me
Friday, April 22, 2011
Country Strong.
Ok, I have to get this out! I recently rented Country Strong, actually I couldn't rent it fast enough, I was dying to see it! I didn't have very high expectations for it, I liked the main song that was released from it by Gwyneth Paltrow entitled "Country Strong," but wasn't really sure the movie itself was going to be any good. Holy shit I could not have been more wrong!! That movie was a.ma.zing. Like, literally adding it to my list of fav movies. I even bought it a few nights later and downloaded the soundtrack ASAP. I made a playlist that is just the songs from the movie (they also have songs from other country artists, but I'm mainly only interested in the ones from the movie or that the actors/actresses actually sing) and am obsessed with a few of them. So, without further adieu, here are my addictions:
Me & Tennessee
Words I Couldn't Say
Give In To Me
Summer Girl
Timing is Everything
and of course
Country Strong
Honestly, this movie made me start to really LOVE Gwyneth Paltrow. Make fun of me if you wish, but if you like country music, this movie is a must see!!
xoxo,
Me
xoxo,
Me
Douche.
I hope nobody from work ever stumbles across this little beauty, I'd probably get my ass canned.
With that being said, I'd like to rant a little bit about my Executive Director. He's pretty much already told me I have this promotion, so why I need to still have the interview and shit is beyond me, but I guess those are the rules. Whatever. Anyway, he's super thrilled that I decided to apply and step up for this job...mainly he's excited because now he'll be saving money in our budget. Because with the other person leaving and me swooping in, that means it's one less person to pay since my old job will then be obsolete. He literally told me this. Thanks a lot douche bag!
At my work we have the option of a 4 or 5 day work week. When I was hired on I didn't really get an option, the position was for a 4 day work week. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely ok with this! Especially considering I came from working at the airport which, in case y'all didn't know, is open every single day of the year. Holidays, weekends, blizzards. We're like mailmen, except we don't get federal holidays and Sundays off. I digress. So generally I work Mon-Thur from 7:30-6pm. Well since this guy I'm taking over for is only here until April 29 my boss wanted me to get as much training in as I can and told me to go ahead and come in on Friday (today), even if it meant I'd have overtime. Well, yesterday before my ED left he said something about how I'll be off for the weekend, right? I told him I'd actually be there tomorrow so I could train more. He says, "oh...so are you working a 5 day week then?" This was at 5:49, the people who work a 5 day work week work from 8:30-5pm, so why would I still fucking be here you moron?! I told him that this week I'd be working 5 days. He mulls this over and says, "like...overtime?" No you dip shit, I'm working for free. Really?! So I replied with something like, "well, yeah, I guess so. Melissa wants me to get in as much training as I can since he leaves next Friday and I won't be here," and then I turned around and continued working on my background checks. Fuck off. If you're going to worry about the 6 hours of overtime you're going to pay me then you can kiss my ass. I just do what I'm told by MY BOSS. Thank goodness I have the nicest/coolest boss in the entire fucking world, and she totally had my back when he called her as soon as he left yesterday. Totally knew that was going to happen.
I feel that I should mention that my ED somehow made a miracle happen by getting this job. He knows absolutely nothing about any of the things we do and just kisses the Board of Directors' asses constantly. And he doesn't do anything all day long except go from office to office seeing what people are doing and acting like he's working. He makes me so mad!
Not to mention one day my boss called me into her office to tell me that "someone" had said I was on a personal phone call on my cell phone earlier that morning. Ok, well it could've only been my ED because he was the only person who saw me on the phone that early in the morning. And, news-fucking-flash dip shit, I was talking to our IT company because we were getting new computers and mine was the first to arrive and I was having problems because my email and printers weren't set up on it and I'm not allowed to set them up since I'm not an administrator. Oh, did I mention I was on the WHITE phone at my desk, not my BLACK iPhone with a BLACK cover on it? He just makes shit up, I swear! And the only reason he even complained was because a tenant came in for an appointment and he actually had to help someone. Heaven fucking forbid. So I told my boss what I was really doing and he had mentioned to her later that I looked like I was scurrying by him in the hallway. She straight up told him that I knew it was him and that I was on the phone with the IT people on the work phone. What does he say? "Well, I didn't say it was a cell phone, I just thought it sounded like a personal call." How did it sound that way?! I was on the phone for a total of 30 seconds by the time you got to the front office you dumb ass. And why didn't he just ask me?! Do you not run this entire Housing Authority?! No balls. At all. Ugh, douche.
Other than that though, I really do love my job. Most of my co-workers are awesome and I love helping the people! Now if we could just work on getting a new ED...
P.S. These are the two cars I'm looking at getting, they seem super similar to me, the Cruze and the new Focus. Any suggestions/comments on whether one is better than the other? This is my first NEW CAR purchase...if all goes well anyway!
xoxo,
Me
With that being said, I'd like to rant a little bit about my Executive Director. He's pretty much already told me I have this promotion, so why I need to still have the interview and shit is beyond me, but I guess those are the rules. Whatever. Anyway, he's super thrilled that I decided to apply and step up for this job...mainly he's excited because now he'll be saving money in our budget. Because with the other person leaving and me swooping in, that means it's one less person to pay since my old job will then be obsolete. He literally told me this. Thanks a lot douche bag!
At my work we have the option of a 4 or 5 day work week. When I was hired on I didn't really get an option, the position was for a 4 day work week. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely ok with this! Especially considering I came from working at the airport which, in case y'all didn't know, is open every single day of the year. Holidays, weekends, blizzards. We're like mailmen, except we don't get federal holidays and Sundays off. I digress. So generally I work Mon-Thur from 7:30-6pm. Well since this guy I'm taking over for is only here until April 29 my boss wanted me to get as much training in as I can and told me to go ahead and come in on Friday (today), even if it meant I'd have overtime. Well, yesterday before my ED left he said something about how I'll be off for the weekend, right? I told him I'd actually be there tomorrow so I could train more. He says, "oh...so are you working a 5 day week then?" This was at 5:49, the people who work a 5 day work week work from 8:30-5pm, so why would I still fucking be here you moron?! I told him that this week I'd be working 5 days. He mulls this over and says, "like...overtime?" No you dip shit, I'm working for free. Really?! So I replied with something like, "well, yeah, I guess so. Melissa wants me to get in as much training as I can since he leaves next Friday and I won't be here," and then I turned around and continued working on my background checks. Fuck off. If you're going to worry about the 6 hours of overtime you're going to pay me then you can kiss my ass. I just do what I'm told by MY BOSS. Thank goodness I have the nicest/coolest boss in the entire fucking world, and she totally had my back when he called her as soon as he left yesterday. Totally knew that was going to happen.
I feel that I should mention that my ED somehow made a miracle happen by getting this job. He knows absolutely nothing about any of the things we do and just kisses the Board of Directors' asses constantly. And he doesn't do anything all day long except go from office to office seeing what people are doing and acting like he's working. He makes me so mad!
Not to mention one day my boss called me into her office to tell me that "someone" had said I was on a personal phone call on my cell phone earlier that morning. Ok, well it could've only been my ED because he was the only person who saw me on the phone that early in the morning. And, news-fucking-flash dip shit, I was talking to our IT company because we were getting new computers and mine was the first to arrive and I was having problems because my email and printers weren't set up on it and I'm not allowed to set them up since I'm not an administrator. Oh, did I mention I was on the WHITE phone at my desk, not my BLACK iPhone with a BLACK cover on it? He just makes shit up, I swear! And the only reason he even complained was because a tenant came in for an appointment and he actually had to help someone. Heaven fucking forbid. So I told my boss what I was really doing and he had mentioned to her later that I looked like I was scurrying by him in the hallway. She straight up told him that I knew it was him and that I was on the phone with the IT people on the work phone. What does he say? "Well, I didn't say it was a cell phone, I just thought it sounded like a personal call." How did it sound that way?! I was on the phone for a total of 30 seconds by the time you got to the front office you dumb ass. And why didn't he just ask me?! Do you not run this entire Housing Authority?! No balls. At all. Ugh, douche.
Other than that though, I really do love my job. Most of my co-workers are awesome and I love helping the people! Now if we could just work on getting a new ED...
P.S. These are the two cars I'm looking at getting, they seem super similar to me, the Cruze and the new Focus. Any suggestions/comments on whether one is better than the other? This is my first NEW CAR purchase...if all goes well anyway!
xoxo,
Me
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I've never talked about my now life. Well, a quick synopsis of me currently: I'm 27, I recently moved back to Ohio in January and quit my job of almost 3 years to try something new. I had been working for Hudson News, which are the stores in airports, and was able to transfer from VA to OH back to VA (see my About moi! section, I'm a gypsy!) but wasn't really feeling that I'd go anywhere at that place, which I was completely right. After almost 3 years I'd only had a total of a $1.36 increase. Fucking lame. Anyway, when I moved back here in January I decided to job search and stumbled across an HCV Intern position at the local housing authority. I'd never done any work for housing authorities, I barely even knew what Section 8 was, let alone Public Housing. So, long story short I was helping with the caseworkers for Section 8 and Public Housing, but didn't have something I was really supposed to do everyday, just kind of whatever needed to get done for whomever needed the help. Well, as of Monday we had an opening at work because one of the guys is leaving!!
As of April 22 I'll have been at my job 2 months. And guess who's getting promoted and getting a very nice pay raise starting May 2?! THAT WOULD BE MEEEEEE!!! I'm SO freaking excited!!! My official title will be HCV Certification Specialist II. Sounds fancy, huh?? Basically I'll be dealing with the people on Section 8 who are already on our program and want to move to a different unit, who want to port-out to another city/state's housing authority or who want to port-in to our housing authority from another city/state's. It's a lot to process and get used to, especially since I've just been doing intern stuff, but I'm SO EXCITED for this opportunity!! Not to mention this pay raise is going to GREATLY help my cause in getting my NEW CAR!!!! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited I could throw up!!! :) :)
So, with that...I'm off to check out the local car dealerships stock!! Mwahaha!!
xoxo,
Me
As of April 22 I'll have been at my job 2 months. And guess who's getting promoted and getting a very nice pay raise starting May 2?! THAT WOULD BE MEEEEEE!!! I'm SO freaking excited!!! My official title will be HCV Certification Specialist II. Sounds fancy, huh?? Basically I'll be dealing with the people on Section 8 who are already on our program and want to move to a different unit, who want to port-out to another city/state's housing authority or who want to port-in to our housing authority from another city/state's. It's a lot to process and get used to, especially since I've just been doing intern stuff, but I'm SO EXCITED for this opportunity!! Not to mention this pay raise is going to GREATLY help my cause in getting my NEW CAR!!!! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited I could throw up!!! :) :)
So, with that...I'm off to check out the local car dealerships stock!! Mwahaha!!
xoxo,
Me
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My Ex-Husband (part 3).
The two weeks back in Ohio were absolute hell. My parents acted like I was doing this to get back at them. For what, I don't know, but it was all about them. Lame. They ended up taking away my laptop since I wasn't going to be in college anymore, and my cell phone since I wasn't going to be theirs anymore. So, I went to work and gave my two weeks and worked my little butt off as much as I could before time was up. I hadn't told many of my friends, I usually keep big things like that on the mum until it explodes from all sides. So I bid adieu to the ones I had told and to my (now) in-laws, then packed up as much stuff as I could into my duffel bag, my parents ended up sending the rest out in boxes. My Ex-Husband had managed to score us an apartment while I was away and knew some people who were getting rid of a couch that had a pull-out bed in it, good thing since we had NOTHING. So, after the hellish two weeks my parents dropped me off at the airport and cried because of how much they were going to miss me. Funny isn't it? First they were so pissed at me and now they're crying...the truth always comes out!
Being that I barely knew/had seen My Ex-Husband before we got hitched, being gone from him for two weeks and coming back was nerve racking. I literally had butterflies in my stomach, not because I was excited, but because I was so nervous!! When we had spoken he had mentioned that he had always wanted his wife to be able to just be a homemaker. That was cool with me, we only had the one car and he had a 20+ drive to base every morning, so it made sense. Luckily since he was married we got money to pay for our rent and utilities, though it proved to not be enough on top of the money for gas and groceries and all the other things we needed. I always loved my in-laws, which I'll probably mention frequently, and I was so surprised when they ended up getting us a $1,000 gift card for the BX (Base Exchange - pretty much like a Target or Wal-Mart, except on base, you pay no tax and everything is generally cheaper) so we could buy things for the apartment!! How nice was that?! Luckily we were able to score a king-size bed for only $600! Freak yeah, no more sleeping on the pull-out bed! Then we got some essentials: garbage can, computer desk, kitchen stuff, pots, pans, etc. And then, when I thought they couldn't get better, his parents even bought us a kitchen table! Coming from two relationships where theparents mom's didn't like me, this was completely foreign to me! I swear, I called his parents far more than I did my own family. They asked me to call them mom and dad, I mean, this was what marriage was supposed to be, this was what in-laws were supposed to be like! I was living in a perfect world.
Well, the perfect world didn't last too long. We were getting into fights about money because his account was constantly going into the negative and the money I'd saved up and brought with me wasn't getting us anywhere since we'd already blown it on stuff we needed. So after a huge fight that had me walking around the city and him driving around trying to find me, we decided that I needed to get a job. It had to be somewhere within walking distance since we only had the one car and he worked from 3pm-midnight, it also had to be daytime hours because I'm not walking home at 9pm! I applied at a couple places in the area and ended up getting hired on at Subway. It wasn't the best job in the world, but I needed something, so I took it! Luckily I ended up getting pretty good hours and even though I was only making $6.25/hr I was making decent paychecks because I was working my ass off there. I ended up getting a $.50 raise relatively soon after working there and was pretty stoked because I was glad they noticed how hard I was working. I had only been there a couple months when my manager ended up training me how to do some of the manager stuff; ordering food, doing paperwork, closing, opening, etc., because she was going on vacation. It's funny, I've often had jobs where bosses haven't been able to take vacation until I start working there. It's nice being reliable! :) I digress. We got lucky and ended up getting a house on base 6 months into our marriage. For those who aren't familiar with how the military world works, if you get base housing you don't have to pay for anything except your extras, like cable, internet and phone. No rent, no utilities, it's pretty damn nice! Even though we were going to be living on base I kept my off-base job for awhile. I did end up transferring to a Subway on base after some time. Luckily the owner for the off-base one was the same owner for the two on-base. I worked at both of the Subways on base actually. After a few months being on base I ended up getting promoted to General Manager and rocked at it, if I do say so myself!
All the while, My Ex-Husband and I were getting along really well, and finally making decent money in the household! We went to Vegas at one point to visit my father-in-law because he was there for business. One night we were out to dinner and he said he had to go get his co-worker and that he'd be joining us for dinner. Next thing I know someone is hugging me and it was my mother-in-law!! I cried I was so excited! See how much I loved these people?! It was unreal. It was the exact relationship I'd always hoped I'd have with my in-laws. We did some exploring around Vegas (we were both under 21 still) and had a good time with his family. We also did random small adventures like Universal Studios and Sea World San Diego, just enjoying each other and our time together. We ended up getting a dog, Sydney, and she was the cutest little thing ever! I love that dog. Unfortunately right now she is with My Ex-Husband in Germany where he's currently stationed, which makes me sad. Anyway, things were going really well and I'd made a few friends, though not many, and life was fucking GOOD. I was ridiculously happy, it was probably nauseating for other people. Actually I know it was, people would mention that when we'd hang out in couples, and they'd also question how he managed to land someone like me, haha.
After living there for about a year and after blogging quite regularly on Xanga, I had met a gal on there that also lived on base, her husband was a Marine. We'd talked about hanging out a couple times but nothing really came of it, then one day she was going to be having a luncheon with some other Marine wives because their husbands were coming back from a deployment the next day. I decided to stop by to finally meet her and hang out for awhile. At one point her daughter, about 2 at the time, had a handful of crumbs from potato chips and handed them to me so I tossed them into my mouth, and that's when she says she knew I could hang and she could see us hanging out again. That was the day I met My BFF. We didn't really hang out that much at first, but after a little while we did. We really started hanging out more frequently when things started going downhill with me and My Ex-Husband.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Being that I barely knew/had seen My Ex-Husband before we got hitched, being gone from him for two weeks and coming back was nerve racking. I literally had butterflies in my stomach, not because I was excited, but because I was so nervous!! When we had spoken he had mentioned that he had always wanted his wife to be able to just be a homemaker. That was cool with me, we only had the one car and he had a 20+ drive to base every morning, so it made sense. Luckily since he was married we got money to pay for our rent and utilities, though it proved to not be enough on top of the money for gas and groceries and all the other things we needed. I always loved my in-laws, which I'll probably mention frequently, and I was so surprised when they ended up getting us a $1,000 gift card for the BX (Base Exchange - pretty much like a Target or Wal-Mart, except on base, you pay no tax and everything is generally cheaper) so we could buy things for the apartment!! How nice was that?! Luckily we were able to score a king-size bed for only $600! Freak yeah, no more sleeping on the pull-out bed! Then we got some essentials: garbage can, computer desk, kitchen stuff, pots, pans, etc. And then, when I thought they couldn't get better, his parents even bought us a kitchen table! Coming from two relationships where the
Well, the perfect world didn't last too long. We were getting into fights about money because his account was constantly going into the negative and the money I'd saved up and brought with me wasn't getting us anywhere since we'd already blown it on stuff we needed. So after a huge fight that had me walking around the city and him driving around trying to find me, we decided that I needed to get a job. It had to be somewhere within walking distance since we only had the one car and he worked from 3pm-midnight, it also had to be daytime hours because I'm not walking home at 9pm! I applied at a couple places in the area and ended up getting hired on at Subway. It wasn't the best job in the world, but I needed something, so I took it! Luckily I ended up getting pretty good hours and even though I was only making $6.25/hr I was making decent paychecks because I was working my ass off there. I ended up getting a $.50 raise relatively soon after working there and was pretty stoked because I was glad they noticed how hard I was working. I had only been there a couple months when my manager ended up training me how to do some of the manager stuff; ordering food, doing paperwork, closing, opening, etc., because she was going on vacation. It's funny, I've often had jobs where bosses haven't been able to take vacation until I start working there. It's nice being reliable! :) I digress. We got lucky and ended up getting a house on base 6 months into our marriage. For those who aren't familiar with how the military world works, if you get base housing you don't have to pay for anything except your extras, like cable, internet and phone. No rent, no utilities, it's pretty damn nice! Even though we were going to be living on base I kept my off-base job for awhile. I did end up transferring to a Subway on base after some time. Luckily the owner for the off-base one was the same owner for the two on-base. I worked at both of the Subways on base actually. After a few months being on base I ended up getting promoted to General Manager and rocked at it, if I do say so myself!
All the while, My Ex-Husband and I were getting along really well, and finally making decent money in the household! We went to Vegas at one point to visit my father-in-law because he was there for business. One night we were out to dinner and he said he had to go get his co-worker and that he'd be joining us for dinner. Next thing I know someone is hugging me and it was my mother-in-law!! I cried I was so excited! See how much I loved these people?! It was unreal. It was the exact relationship I'd always hoped I'd have with my in-laws. We did some exploring around Vegas (we were both under 21 still) and had a good time with his family. We also did random small adventures like Universal Studios and Sea World San Diego, just enjoying each other and our time together. We ended up getting a dog, Sydney, and she was the cutest little thing ever! I love that dog. Unfortunately right now she is with My Ex-Husband in Germany where he's currently stationed, which makes me sad. Anyway, things were going really well and I'd made a few friends, though not many, and life was fucking GOOD. I was ridiculously happy, it was probably nauseating for other people. Actually I know it was, people would mention that when we'd hang out in couples, and they'd also question how he managed to land someone like me, haha.
After living there for about a year and after blogging quite regularly on Xanga, I had met a gal on there that also lived on base, her husband was a Marine. We'd talked about hanging out a couple times but nothing really came of it, then one day she was going to be having a luncheon with some other Marine wives because their husbands were coming back from a deployment the next day. I decided to stop by to finally meet her and hang out for awhile. At one point her daughter, about 2 at the time, had a handful of crumbs from potato chips and handed them to me so I tossed them into my mouth, and that's when she says she knew I could hang and she could see us hanging out again. That was the day I met My BFF. We didn't really hang out that much at first, but after a little while we did. We really started hanging out more frequently when things started going downhill with me and My Ex-Husband.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Idiot.
I feel like a complete idiot, because I've just noticed you can have "tabs" on your blog. SWEET! Only problem is, I have no freaking idea how to actually do that. Can anybody help a girl out? Once again, I'm lost. Idiot.
xoxo,
Me
xoxo,
Me
The Ex-Husband (part 2).
Unfortunately My Ex-Husband couldn't take much leave (days off) while I was there, so I was glad I'd joined that Yahoo group! I met up with a couple ladies I knew from there and that kept me only partially busy. The rest of the time I was in his barracks room just sitting around waiting for him to come back on lunch and after work. But, luckily, he was able to get a few days off! Mainly, if I'm being completely honest, because we had planned on eloping before I even got to California. I wanted to get away from Ohio, I wanted to be able to be with him always and he wanted the same thing. Not to mention, I was still in the thinking that if I couldn't make it work with My First Love who could I make it work with, and figured that since this man loved me and wanted to marry that I should snatch him up while I still had the chance. I was 20, I was young, I was thinking about the present instead of the rest of my life. Not that I regret it, I don't regret getting married at all, I don't like living life with regrets. I learned from it, as you'll see.
We went to the mall one day at started looking at wedding rings. We came across a set from Fred Meyer Jewelers that was only $300 for my engagement ring, wedding band and his wedding band! It was simple, cute and small...but it was perfect. I have never been the type to want a huge rock on my finger. It looks almost exactly like that picture, except the diamond on my engagement ring wasn't even that big. But, like I said, wasn't a big deal to me, I loved my rings! We had to get them sized, so it took a few days for that. We got them back a couple days before the big day. After we picked them up and went back to base, I was sitting in his computer chair, looking something up online, and all of a sudden he comes next to me and is telling me how much he loves me and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and he officially proposed! I was pretty excited about that, because even though we knew we were going to get married, he still took the time to propose, on one knee and all. I was bawling.
Of course I didn't know anybody out in California, so he had to ask a guy he worked with and his wife to be our witnesses and luckily this guy was the sweetest guy and took off work so they could come do that for us. I was super nervous on the way there, the whole time during and afterward. Mostly because I didn't know if I should be doing this, but I'd already gotten myself into it, so what could I do now? Also because my parents didn't know and I knew they were going to freak the fuck out. We had the guy's wife take some pictures for us, but it was on a disposable camera and I was new to flying so I didn't know you shouldn't put film through the x-ray machine. Idiot. So the only picture that even turned out decently was the one of us outside of the courthouse...in which the guy's wife had her finger covering the lense. Ugh. Afterward we pulled up to the guy and his wife's car to see where we should eat to celebrate our big day, when My Ex-Husband put the car window down, it completely fell off track. Wouldn't wind back up, the motor for the automatic window was shot. Great.
After getting back to base and up to his barracks room, I think I must've written something on my AIM status message about getting married because boy oh boy did my parents call REAL quick and bitch me out like it was nobody's business. I'm the type of person who gets really nervous and anxious when someone is mad at them, so even though I knew this was going to happen, I still did it, and when it came time to pay the price on that, I was sick about it. Not to mention I had to go home for two weeks so I could pack up my shit and fly back out to Cali since I was going to have to live there now. With my husband. So they yelled at me for awhile about why we did that, why we didn't tell them, why he didn't ask my dad for his permission. Come on, like he would've said "yeah, go ahead and marry my daughter after 5 1/2 months," I don't think so. Plus, I was an adult, I didn't need their permission! Or so I thought, they felt otherwise. His parents, on the other hand, couldn't have been more thrilled! They loved me! Before I had gone out to visit him, I would go to his parent's house to visit with them and his sister's just for shits and giggles. His family was already more of a family to me than my own, as I'm not very close with mine in the first place. I mean, his sister even called me before I came out one day because she thought she might be knocked up and asked if I could pick her up a pregnancy test. She was getting ready to go to MEPS (that's where they do a medical exam) in a couple days, before heading to basic training for the Air Force and they test you there anyway, so she kinda wanted to be prepared beforehand. Not to mention his parents ended up getting married after about 3 months of dating, so they more understood what we were going through than my parents.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Of course I didn't know anybody out in California, so he had to ask a guy he worked with and his wife to be our witnesses and luckily this guy was the sweetest guy and took off work so they could come do that for us. I was super nervous on the way there, the whole time during and afterward. Mostly because I didn't know if I should be doing this, but I'd already gotten myself into it, so what could I do now? Also because my parents didn't know and I knew they were going to freak the fuck out. We had the guy's wife take some pictures for us, but it was on a disposable camera and I was new to flying so I didn't know you shouldn't put film through the x-ray machine. Idiot. So the only picture that even turned out decently was the one of us outside of the courthouse...in which the guy's wife had her finger covering the lense. Ugh. Afterward we pulled up to the guy and his wife's car to see where we should eat to celebrate our big day, when My Ex-Husband put the car window down, it completely fell off track. Wouldn't wind back up, the motor for the automatic window was shot. Great.
After getting back to base and up to his barracks room, I think I must've written something on my AIM status message about getting married because boy oh boy did my parents call REAL quick and bitch me out like it was nobody's business. I'm the type of person who gets really nervous and anxious when someone is mad at them, so even though I knew this was going to happen, I still did it, and when it came time to pay the price on that, I was sick about it. Not to mention I had to go home for two weeks so I could pack up my shit and fly back out to Cali since I was going to have to live there now. With my husband. So they yelled at me for awhile about why we did that, why we didn't tell them, why he didn't ask my dad for his permission. Come on, like he would've said "yeah, go ahead and marry my daughter after 5 1/2 months," I don't think so. Plus, I was an adult, I didn't need their permission! Or so I thought, they felt otherwise. His parents, on the other hand, couldn't have been more thrilled! They loved me! Before I had gone out to visit him, I would go to his parent's house to visit with them and his sister's just for shits and giggles. His family was already more of a family to me than my own, as I'm not very close with mine in the first place. I mean, his sister even called me before I came out one day because she thought she might be knocked up and asked if I could pick her up a pregnancy test. She was getting ready to go to MEPS (that's where they do a medical exam) in a couple days, before heading to basic training for the Air Force and they test you there anyway, so she kinda wanted to be prepared beforehand. Not to mention his parents ended up getting married after about 3 months of dating, so they more understood what we were going through than my parents.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Ex-Husband (part 1).
Ok, I've finally got some time to sit down and actually write a beginning to this ex-husband story so you aren't totally in the dark. Just kind of .
So you'll probably recall I said that the breakup with My First Love was mutual and that it truly was a hard time for me. Well, that's completely truthful, however even though I was strong to other people it had made me feel really bad about myself. Like, I couldn't make it happen with him after that long, how could I make it happen with anybody else?! I was at quite a low point. A couple months after the breakup I met My Ex-Husband through one of my college roommates. They had worked together in high school and had remained good friends. Well, sometimes for fun I'd talk to some of her friends on AIM, he happened to be one of those friends! At first it really was just friendly and then it got flirty. Then we were talking all the time and he was calling me on my birthday (just so you can keep up, it was my 20th birthday). I should probably mention that at this time he was enlisted in the USAF (United States Air Force) and was living all the way across the country in California. Moving on...so things with us progressed pretty quickly. Probably because the thought of being single to me was absolutely awful. I'd rather have a boyfriend 3,500 miles away than be completely alone. Did I also mention we'd never met before? Well, with him living in Cali it was kind of hard to have actually met face to face. So, on a whim we decided to start dating anyway. We'd talk all night long, well all night for me since I was 3 hours ahead of him, and he was exactly what I thought I wanted at this fragile part of my life. He was very attentive, was madly in love with me very shortly after we started dating and had even sent me flowers out of nowhere one day when I was getting a lot of shit from my roomies for dating him.
Luckily his sister was graduating from high school a couple months after we began dating and he decided to come home for it so he could see her graduate...and mainly so he could finally meet me, the girlfriend without a face. Just kidding about that part, we'd seen pictures of each other and had had web cam chats a few times. He wasn't exactly what I thought I'd be looking for in the looks department, but I can honestly say that it didn't bother me at all. I went from a boyfriend who was 5'11" and maybe 150 lbs, to one who was 5'8"ish and 205 lbs. Pretty big difference. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I loved him. Funny thing was that I had spoken to his family a couple times on the phone and on MSN messenger and his mom and I had planned that I'd surprise him at the airport when she picked him up! So, technically I met his mom before I met him. Ugh, I'm a freak. Anyway, he really was surprised, he had no idea! And I was so elated, to be able to hug him and look at him, it was amazing. I couldn't have been happier. I ended up staying the night at his parents and we had our first kiss and romp session that night. Only to be embarrassed the next day when we were driving around with his sister and she said she could heard the bed squeaking. I was mortified! But his family was very welcoming of me and we got along right off the bat. He was awesome too, he would always do small, random things for me. He had his sister go pick up one of my favorite movies for him so I could have it, which was so cute to me. When he had to leave I thought I was going to die. I drove him to the airport and bawled when I had to say goodbye, the whole way home and even when I got home.
I liked that when we did get into a fight and I'd hang up on him, he'd actually call me back (probably about 30 times) until I answered and was ready to talk to him. And he even sent me flowers randomly for our 4 monthiversary. I really liked that because you definitely don't expect that! I was so excited when he said he wanted me to come out for 2 weeks to visit him! He paid for my ticket since I had a shitty job at a pizza place that paid $5.50/hr. I wasn't going much of anywhere on that kinda money. I was super stoked to see him but I was always thrilled because I'd never been to California before! I had joined this Yahoo group of women that lived on the base, mainly wives and some girlfriends. So while he was at work I'd have someone to possibly hang out with. I'll never forget driving away from LAX, I stared at the palm trees with my mouth gaping open. What a tourist.
By this time we'd only been together 5 1/2 months, but we were so madly in love, it was truly intense! So, the Monday before I left...we decided to elope. And we did just that.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
So you'll probably recall I said that the breakup with My First Love was mutual and that it truly was a hard time for me. Well, that's completely truthful, however even though I was strong to other people it had made me feel really bad about myself. Like, I couldn't make it happen with him after that long, how could I make it happen with anybody else?! I was at quite a low point. A couple months after the breakup I met My Ex-Husband through one of my college roommates. They had worked together in high school and had remained good friends. Well, sometimes for fun I'd talk to some of her friends on AIM, he happened to be one of those friends! At first it really was just friendly and then it got flirty. Then we were talking all the time and he was calling me on my birthday (just so you can keep up, it was my 20th birthday). I should probably mention that at this time he was enlisted in the USAF (United States Air Force) and was living all the way across the country in California. Moving on...so things with us progressed pretty quickly. Probably because the thought of being single to me was absolutely awful. I'd rather have a boyfriend 3,500 miles away than be completely alone. Did I also mention we'd never met before? Well, with him living in Cali it was kind of hard to have actually met face to face. So, on a whim we decided to start dating anyway. We'd talk all night long, well all night for me since I was 3 hours ahead of him, and he was exactly what I thought I wanted at this fragile part of my life. He was very attentive, was madly in love with me very shortly after we started dating and had even sent me flowers out of nowhere one day when I was getting a lot of shit from my roomies for dating him.
Luckily his sister was graduating from high school a couple months after we began dating and he decided to come home for it so he could see her graduate...and mainly so he could finally meet me, the girlfriend without a face. Just kidding about that part, we'd seen pictures of each other and had had web cam chats a few times. He wasn't exactly what I thought I'd be looking for in the looks department, but I can honestly say that it didn't bother me at all. I went from a boyfriend who was 5'11" and maybe 150 lbs, to one who was 5'8"ish and 205 lbs. Pretty big difference. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I loved him. Funny thing was that I had spoken to his family a couple times on the phone and on MSN messenger and his mom and I had planned that I'd surprise him at the airport when she picked him up! So, technically I met his mom before I met him. Ugh, I'm a freak. Anyway, he really was surprised, he had no idea! And I was so elated, to be able to hug him and look at him, it was amazing. I couldn't have been happier. I ended up staying the night at his parents and we had our first kiss and romp session that night. Only to be embarrassed the next day when we were driving around with his sister and she said she could heard the bed squeaking. I was mortified! But his family was very welcoming of me and we got along right off the bat. He was awesome too, he would always do small, random things for me. He had his sister go pick up one of my favorite movies for him so I could have it, which was so cute to me. When he had to leave I thought I was going to die. I drove him to the airport and bawled when I had to say goodbye, the whole way home and even when I got home.
I liked that when we did get into a fight and I'd hang up on him, he'd actually call me back (probably about 30 times) until I answered and was ready to talk to him. And he even sent me flowers randomly for our 4 monthiversary. I really liked that because you definitely don't expect that! I was so excited when he said he wanted me to come out for 2 weeks to visit him! He paid for my ticket since I had a shitty job at a pizza place that paid $5.50/hr. I wasn't going much of anywhere on that kinda money. I was super stoked to see him but I was always thrilled because I'd never been to California before! I had joined this Yahoo group of women that lived on the base, mainly wives and some girlfriends. So while he was at work I'd have someone to possibly hang out with. I'll never forget driving away from LAX, I stared at the palm trees with my mouth gaping open. What a tourist.
By this time we'd only been together 5 1/2 months, but we were so madly in love, it was truly intense! So, the Monday before I left...we decided to elope. And we did just that.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Interesting!
Ok, I know I said I was going to post about my ex-husband, and I'm sure you're all a little curious...but I'm going to have to postpone that. Instead, I'm going to share something that my counselor gave me to look at when I went to counseling after my break up. It's interesting and something everyone should check out! You go through and put your answers and hope that the person you choose to marry feels the same way as you! :) Well, that's the basic idea, you get what I mean.
50-Item List of Helpful Marriage Similarities
1. Socio-economic background of family
2. Intelligence
3. Formal education
4. Verbal skills
5. Expected roles for both persons within marriage
6. Views about power distribution within the family
7. Desired number of children
8. When a family should be started
9. Child rearing views
10. Political philosophy
11. Views about smoking, alcohol and drugs
12. Amount of involvement with in-laws
13. Sense of humor
14. Punctuality
15. Dependability
16. Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate
17. The role of conflict and how to resolve it
18. The way to handle anger
19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled
20. Expected amount of privacy and rules for its use
21. Level of ambition
22. Life goals
23. Attitudes about weight
24. Religious and spiritual beliefs and preferences
25. Amount of church involvement
26. Family spiritual involvement
27. Hobbies and interests
28. Type of music enjoyed
29. Energy level for physical activities
30. Sexual drive and sexual interests
31. Amount of income to be spent and saved
32. How money should be allocated (clothes, vacation, etc.)
33. Amount of money to be given away and to whom
34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments
35. Attitudes about cleanliness—house, clothes, body, etc.
36. Ways of handling sickness
37. Health standards—when to see a doctor
38. Interpersonal and social skills
39. Amount and type of social involvement preferred
40. Geographical area in which to live
41. Size and style of house
42. Type of furniture and decoration
43. Amount and type of travel preferred
44. How to spend vacations
45. How to celebrate major holidays
46. How much time to spend together
47. When to go to sleep and get up
48. Temperature of home during the day and night
49. Activity during meals
50. Television programs preferred
xoxo,
Me
xoxo,
Me
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Virgin.
Ok, let's just get right down to it!
In between a small breakup sesh with My First Love I dated The Virgin. It was my first year of college and I had met him through a mutual friend, he was pa-retty good looking. Dark hair, light eyes, tan. Delicious. Anyway, we dated for a month or two, I really can't even remember how long. Maybe it was a little longer than that. He went to school about 4 hours away from me, so we hardly ever saw each other, but when we did it was pretty fab. I was at his school to visit one of my gf's and I stayed the night with him one night and he convinced his roomie to stay elsewhere. SCORE! Literally. I snatched up his V-card on his dorm room futon, so romantic! And that was only just the beginning of my mistake. Since I took his v-card and was also his first kiss and girlfriend at the ripe ole age of 18, he thought he was in love with me. Now I know how 30 year old men feel when they cradle rob a 19 year old. I just wasn't that into him and ended up hanging with My First Love one evening while he was home. I lived an hour away from my college and was home every weekend, so this worked out. Well My First Love and I ended up having some serious sexual tension between us and had a hot and wild (as hot and wild as it can be) make out session at my house. That was kind of it for me, even though one night it eventually turned into a sex session in the hot tub. If The Virgin would've just listened to his mother then he wouldn't have even gotten himself into this mess (aka me) in the first place! She told him that she was wary of me since I had just gotten out of a relationship and boy was she right (why do my bf's mother's dislike me so much?! I'm a nice girl!)! I definitely wasn't ready to be dating anyone else. I had to break things off with him, he just wasn't what I wanted. I felt bad because he used to call me every single night crying his eyes out and came over to my house with a card and a letter inside, begging me to take him back. But, what's a girl to do?! He just wasn't My First Love and I actually wasn't in love with him at all. That's saying a lot for me, there's only been 2 guys that I've dated that I haven't dropped the L-bomb on.
So, see how simple and sweet that was? Painless if you ask me!
Next post we'll discuss my ex-husband. Wait, what?! Yeah, you read that right. Bet you didn't see that one coming, did ya?! ;)
xoxo,
Me
In between a small breakup sesh with My First Love I dated The Virgin. It was my first year of college and I had met him through a mutual friend, he was pa-retty good looking. Dark hair, light eyes, tan. Delicious. Anyway, we dated for a month or two, I really can't even remember how long. Maybe it was a little longer than that. He went to school about 4 hours away from me, so we hardly ever saw each other, but when we did it was pretty fab. I was at his school to visit one of my gf's and I stayed the night with him one night and he convinced his roomie to stay elsewhere. SCORE! Literally. I snatched up his V-card on his dorm room futon, so romantic! And that was only just the beginning of my mistake. Since I took his v-card and was also his first kiss and girlfriend at the ripe ole age of 18, he thought he was in love with me. Now I know how 30 year old men feel when they cradle rob a 19 year old. I just wasn't that into him and ended up hanging with My First Love one evening while he was home. I lived an hour away from my college and was home every weekend, so this worked out. Well My First Love and I ended up having some serious sexual tension between us and had a hot and wild (as hot and wild as it can be) make out session at my house. That was kind of it for me, even though one night it eventually turned into a sex session in the hot tub. If The Virgin would've just listened to his mother then he wouldn't have even gotten himself into this mess (aka me) in the first place! She told him that she was wary of me since I had just gotten out of a relationship and boy was she right (why do my bf's mother's dislike me so much?! I'm a nice girl!)! I definitely wasn't ready to be dating anyone else. I had to break things off with him, he just wasn't what I wanted. I felt bad because he used to call me every single night crying his eyes out and came over to my house with a card and a letter inside, begging me to take him back. But, what's a girl to do?! He just wasn't My First Love and I actually wasn't in love with him at all. That's saying a lot for me, there's only been 2 guys that I've dated that I haven't dropped the L-bomb on.
So, see how simple and sweet that was? Painless if you ask me!
Next post we'll discuss my ex-husband. Wait, what?! Yeah, you read that right. Bet you didn't see that one coming, did ya?! ;)
xoxo,
Me
Sunday, April 10, 2011
My first love (part 2).
Other than not really getting along with My First Love's mom, everything else was pretty great. I got along great with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. And he got along really well with my family as well. We spent almost all of our free time together, but didn't completely neglect our friends. It was almost perfect! But, as I mentioned previously, I have a bit of a temper and I'd get mad about the stupidest things. I don't want to blame it on my childhood, but that definitely plays a huge part in this. But that's something I don't really want to get into right now, perhaps another time. Anyway, we were together all of high school and during our first year of college we spent our Spring Breaks at each other's schools. It was awesome, I loved how things were going! But then I met someone else, and I was curious as to how it would be to be with someone else, I'd never known what that was like and I was stupid. That's when I dated The Virgin. Again, I'll come back to that. After I broke things off with The Virgin to get back together with My First Love, things were great again, we picked back up right where we left off.
And then, I transferred schools to be with him our second year of college. We saw each other pretty frequently and were always spending nights together. It was kind of like living together, except we had our own places so we weren't up each other's asses. Perfection. After awhile we just kind of started fighting A LOT, and it wasn't just me this time, it was both of us. We had actually gotten into this REALLY bad fight one night at a party that was being held at my apt and he had thrown a beer can at me while I was walking away from him. I went ape shit on his ass and chased him out of the apartment, said some things I didn't mean, and comforted him while he cried. And even after that craziness, we still managed to move forward. Then, out of nowhere, we just kind of fell apart. It was hard for me, it really was, but it was even harder on him. I felt awful. It was truly a mutual breakup, except instead of me crying at the end of it all, he was. Which is extremely unlike me to NOT cry, but I think I just knew that this time was for good.
We tried to remain friends after that, but it actually took awhile for us to get to a good place. For quite a few years we were the absolute best of friends, I could tell him anything and he could tell me anything. That was the greatest feeling in the world, just knowing I could trust these things with him and that he knew me so well he could give me pointers on how to handle things, stuff like that. Then, he started dating this huge (pardon my French) cunt and we're not even allowed to be friends anymore. Like we're 5 and we have to have permission! I met this girl for the first time when I was dating someone else and she seemed to really like me! I made sure to pay most of my attention to her and never mentioned things that My First Love and I had done in the past or anything. I was really trying with this girl! At first she liked me, and theeeeen once I was single again, she hated me. I went to My First Love's birthday get together and she wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me, so I talked to his sister the whole night. Then, one night, I was going to be at a bar he frequented so I asked if he was there, he was. When I showed up I didn't see him anywhere and then finally, about 10 mins later, he found me when I was standing at the bar. He was sitting there alone with a solemn look on his face. It was weird, so I kind of just shrugged him off because I was pissed he was acting that way. Couple days later I email him and ask him what the fuck was with that night at the bar. When he emailed me back I couldn't believe my eyes, I happened to read it on my phone while I was at work and I was in tears! He basically said that it was between me and her and he didn't want to choose. Well, I made that real easy for him and told him that unlike her I wasn't going to make him choose, and that I'd just stop contacting him and we didn't have to be friends anymore. Was that immature? Yeah, it probably was. But you have to understand, at this point I had known him about 8 years, 4 of which we were together! I was so hurt and felt SO betrayed.
We didn't speak for a long time, I'd say almost a year, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I emailed him begging him to reconcile, to be my friend again, I needed him. Not because I'm still in love with him, but because he knows me almost better than anyone else and we've shared so many stories, memories and just everything together. I needed that back. Well, he took two weeks to write me back, but he did. However, he said he needed to talk to hiscunt face bitch fiancée (I have no idea when they got engaged since we hadn't spoken in so long) and see how she felt about it. I wrote him back and said that I wish I knew what her insecurities were so I could reassure her that I don't want to be with him. I also suggested we all get together and talk about this, I mean, we're all adults here. At least I am anyway. That was about 2 months ago, haven't heard a thing from him since. What is a girl to do? I have issues letting people go. Yet another thing I'm trying to work on.
So, in my next post we'll discuss boyfriend #2, The Virgin...
xoxo,
Me
And then, I transferred schools to be with him our second year of college. We saw each other pretty frequently and were always spending nights together. It was kind of like living together, except we had our own places so we weren't up each other's asses. Perfection. After awhile we just kind of started fighting A LOT, and it wasn't just me this time, it was both of us. We had actually gotten into this REALLY bad fight one night at a party that was being held at my apt and he had thrown a beer can at me while I was walking away from him. I went ape shit on his ass and chased him out of the apartment, said some things I didn't mean, and comforted him while he cried. And even after that craziness, we still managed to move forward. Then, out of nowhere, we just kind of fell apart. It was hard for me, it really was, but it was even harder on him. I felt awful. It was truly a mutual breakup, except instead of me crying at the end of it all, he was. Which is extremely unlike me to NOT cry, but I think I just knew that this time was for good.
We tried to remain friends after that, but it actually took awhile for us to get to a good place. For quite a few years we were the absolute best of friends, I could tell him anything and he could tell me anything. That was the greatest feeling in the world, just knowing I could trust these things with him and that he knew me so well he could give me pointers on how to handle things, stuff like that. Then, he started dating this huge (pardon my French) cunt and we're not even allowed to be friends anymore. Like we're 5 and we have to have permission! I met this girl for the first time when I was dating someone else and she seemed to really like me! I made sure to pay most of my attention to her and never mentioned things that My First Love and I had done in the past or anything. I was really trying with this girl! At first she liked me, and theeeeen once I was single again, she hated me. I went to My First Love's birthday get together and she wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me, so I talked to his sister the whole night. Then, one night, I was going to be at a bar he frequented so I asked if he was there, he was. When I showed up I didn't see him anywhere and then finally, about 10 mins later, he found me when I was standing at the bar. He was sitting there alone with a solemn look on his face. It was weird, so I kind of just shrugged him off because I was pissed he was acting that way. Couple days later I email him and ask him what the fuck was with that night at the bar. When he emailed me back I couldn't believe my eyes, I happened to read it on my phone while I was at work and I was in tears! He basically said that it was between me and her and he didn't want to choose. Well, I made that real easy for him and told him that unlike her I wasn't going to make him choose, and that I'd just stop contacting him and we didn't have to be friends anymore. Was that immature? Yeah, it probably was. But you have to understand, at this point I had known him about 8 years, 4 of which we were together! I was so hurt and felt SO betrayed.
We didn't speak for a long time, I'd say almost a year, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I emailed him begging him to reconcile, to be my friend again, I needed him. Not because I'm still in love with him, but because he knows me almost better than anyone else and we've shared so many stories, memories and just everything together. I needed that back. Well, he took two weeks to write me back, but he did. However, he said he needed to talk to his
So, in my next post we'll discuss boyfriend #2, The Virgin...
xoxo,
Me
My first love (part 1).
I guess now that I'm blogging more frequently I really should start from the beginning, dating wise anyway. So let's do that, shall we?
I met My First Love in high school. Actually when I met him he'd been dating one of my best friends, and that lasted all of maybe 2 weeks. I know, I know, I kind of broke girl code by dating an ex of one of my bff's. But let's be real, this was in high school, it lasted no more than a couple weeks and when she broke up with him she had me listen in on another phone in her house. She couldn't have been that interested in him, right?! That's how I look at it anyway. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that wasn't the first time I met him, he dated another girl I'd met in high school before my bff. Wow, it's all coming back to me now. Anyway, when those two dated they were in one of our groups for a school dance where we all took a limo and went to dinner and the dance together. But we barely spoke. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, I met him my 10th grade year and we became friends when he dated my bff, I was the only one who was nice to him at our lunch table. We started dating when we were 16 and he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first...everything. If you catch my drift. He was really great, very attentive and he always did the sweetest things for special holidays and anniversaries. We were madly in love and dated (on and off) for almost 4 years. It's funny, we managed to survive a year of college apart yet ended up breaking up when I changed colleges to be closer to him. That's ok, those things happen.
It's funny that Ibitched about mentioned people only text these days, when back in 10th grade all we did was IM each other on AOL. Ahhh, the sweet sound of dial-up, how I don't miss you! Anyway, we would spend hours after school and on weekends IM'ing each other and we really were just friends for a little while. Actually his two best friends both asked me out and I just wasn't into them that way. The dance we all went to as a group, I actually went with one of his best friends. Oh my gosh, how horrible of friends were we to these people?! I'm just now realizing this. I digress. So after we were IM'ing for a couple weeks he started calling me and we'd talk after school on the phone every. single. day. I was in heaven! I obviously started liking him A LOT and he felt the same, however he also liked my friend (the one he previously dated for 2 weeks) so it took him awhile to finally ask me out. I was SO excited! I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was actually 11 years ago. I was getting ready to go babysit my neighbors kid for a few hours, so I had to get off the phone. He said he had something to ask me before we got off the phone, and he said the most beautiful words I had ever heard, "I just wondered if you would be my girlfriend." I probably wanted to scream "FUCK YES!" But I held that in and gave a little giggle and said "YES!" probably a little too quickly because he responded with, "what, were you waiting for me to ask you or something?" Uhhhh, YES no, I'm totally cool man, I'm just living in the moment. What does he think?! OF COURSE I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK ME OUT!
The next day we had our "first date" if you can call it that. Meaning we went and walked around the mall holding hands until they got so sweaty because we were so nervous that we had to break apart. That was also the evening of my FIRST KISS. Swoon! We were in his truck, getting ready to leave the mall, when he planted one on me! It was heavenly, it was magical, I'm pretty sure I saw fireworks! It was the exact way I had pictured my first kiss to be. And then he had to ruin it by telling me I was a good kisser. Now I say he ruined it, but I'm sure back then I was elated that he thought so since he knew I'd never kissed anyone before. Ahhh, the good ole days when I still had (most of) my innocence. So before our first date he had to meet my parents since he was my bf and he was going to be driving me places (he, like, so totally already had his drivers license and his own truck, eek!) and that went fine. Me meeting his parents for the first time, however, not as great as I'd hoped it would be. I mean, this was my first experience in dating EVER and now I'm meeting his parents a couple weeks later, I was so nervous! So, we went to this steak place, which would normally be my idea of Heaven on Earth because I loooove steak, but instead I ordered a chicken caeser salad because I don't like when other people pay for me at restaurants so I always try to get the cheap thing. As soon as his mother opened her mouth about it I knew this (she and I) was going to be a match made in HELL. "Ahhh, I remember our first date when I ordered a salad because I didn't want you to think I was fat." Wow. Really?! Thanks for making me feel like a schmuck the first time we meet, greatly appreciated! From then on it was downhill, I truly only got along with that woman when I faked a smile and went along with what she said, which wasn't a lot.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
I met My First Love in high school. Actually when I met him he'd been dating one of my best friends, and that lasted all of maybe 2 weeks. I know, I know, I kind of broke girl code by dating an ex of one of my bff's. But let's be real, this was in high school, it lasted no more than a couple weeks and when she broke up with him she had me listen in on another phone in her house. She couldn't have been that interested in him, right?! That's how I look at it anyway. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that wasn't the first time I met him, he dated another girl I'd met in high school before my bff. Wow, it's all coming back to me now. Anyway, when those two dated they were in one of our groups for a school dance where we all took a limo and went to dinner and the dance together. But we barely spoke. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, I met him my 10th grade year and we became friends when he dated my bff, I was the only one who was nice to him at our lunch table. We started dating when we were 16 and he was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first...everything. If you catch my drift. He was really great, very attentive and he always did the sweetest things for special holidays and anniversaries. We were madly in love and dated (on and off) for almost 4 years. It's funny, we managed to survive a year of college apart yet ended up breaking up when I changed colleges to be closer to him. That's ok, those things happen.
It's funny that I
The next day we had our "first date" if you can call it that. Meaning we went and walked around the mall holding hands until they got so sweaty because we were so nervous that we had to break apart. That was also the evening of my FIRST KISS. Swoon! We were in his truck, getting ready to leave the mall, when he planted one on me! It was heavenly, it was magical, I'm pretty sure I saw fireworks! It was the exact way I had pictured my first kiss to be. And then he had to ruin it by telling me I was a good kisser. Now I say he ruined it, but I'm sure back then I was elated that he thought so since he knew I'd never kissed anyone before. Ahhh, the good ole days when I still had (most of) my innocence. So before our first date he had to meet my parents since he was my bf and he was going to be driving me places (he, like, so totally already had his drivers license and his own truck, eek!) and that went fine. Me meeting his parents for the first time, however, not as great as I'd hoped it would be. I mean, this was my first experience in dating EVER and now I'm meeting his parents a couple weeks later, I was so nervous! So, we went to this steak place, which would normally be my idea of Heaven on Earth because I loooove steak, but instead I ordered a chicken caeser salad because I don't like when other people pay for me at restaurants so I always try to get the cheap thing. As soon as his mother opened her mouth about it I knew this (she and I) was going to be a match made in HELL. "Ahhh, I remember our first date when I ordered a salad because I didn't want you to think I was fat." Wow. Really?! Thanks for making me feel like a schmuck the first time we meet, greatly appreciated! From then on it was downhill, I truly only got along with that woman when I faked a smile and went along with what she said, which wasn't a lot.
To be continued...
xoxo,
Me
Saturday, April 9, 2011
What is WRONG with me?!
For some reason, out of nowhere, I'm completely upset. Not about nothing, about the ex, but it snuck up on me! It's been almost 4 months since the split and I still can't completely move on from this. Is this normal? Oh my gosh I feel like I've come unhinged.
I wish I had more of a desire to go out, but this town just isn't the "going out" kinda place. I wish I had been able to go out with the girls when I was in FL, stupid work. And I wish July was here already so I could go out with my bff for some shenanigans in our old stompin' grounds. Anything to take my mind off this feeling.
I always seem to do this. I always seem to obsess over the breakup long after it's happened. I haven't been sleeping, unless I take some sort of PM pill (ie: Advil, Excedrin, Tylenol, Motrin) or those generic Target brand sleeping pills. Ugh, I've become "that girl" haven't I? I want so badly to have some sort of contact with the ex, but what good would that do me? The worst part is just that he said we could still stay in contact and that maybe somewhere down the road there could be a second chance. Why must boys give us these false hopes? I mean, do they think it makes us feel better? It doesn't. It makes my life a whirlwind of emotions, ya ass. Ohhh wait, I think this is all coming on because I'm getting ready to start my period. Whew! At least there's a reason for it. At least I'm not on the verge of tears for no damn reason. This makes me feel slightly less crazy. Thank you mother nature, for once I appreciate you.
I'm still bummed though.
xoxo,
Me
I wish I had more of a desire to go out, but this town just isn't the "going out" kinda place. I wish I had been able to go out with the girls when I was in FL, stupid work. And I wish July was here already so I could go out with my bff for some shenanigans in our old stompin' grounds. Anything to take my mind off this feeling.
I always seem to do this. I always seem to obsess over the breakup long after it's happened. I haven't been sleeping, unless I take some sort of PM pill (ie: Advil, Excedrin, Tylenol, Motrin) or those generic Target brand sleeping pills. Ugh, I've become "that girl" haven't I? I want so badly to have some sort of contact with the ex, but what good would that do me? The worst part is just that he said we could still stay in contact and that maybe somewhere down the road there could be a second chance. Why must boys give us these false hopes? I mean, do they think it makes us feel better? It doesn't. It makes my life a whirlwind of emotions, ya ass. Ohhh wait, I think this is all coming on because I'm getting ready to start my period. Whew! At least there's a reason for it. At least I'm not on the verge of tears for no damn reason. This makes me feel slightly less crazy. Thank you mother nature, for once I appreciate you.
I'm still bummed though.
xoxo,
Me
Back in the day.
I was watching He's Just Not That Into You a few days ago and I was intrigued by something Drew Barrymore's character said. "I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting." I mean, seriously! What happened to those days? Everyone's relationships are via text now. My bf's never call me like they do when we first start dating. That's incredibly annoying to me. All I want is a guy that's going to call me, instead of doing all of these around about things to get ahold of me. Also, when you first meet a guy and you're getting to know them, what do they do? They text you. I am beyond over that. The next person I date is going to have to do a lot of things to get to me. I'm not going to be able to full give myself to someone unless they really deserve it. It's unfortunate when you think someone is that person and they turn out to be just like all the rest. Is it so much to want a guy to call you? To stop by out of nowhere? To write you a note and leave it in your purse so you found it unexpectedly? It's the little things really, and even though guys know that's what we want, most of them never do it. I'm confused by that.
There's nothing worse than thinking you're getting everything from your man. Basically what I mean is that you spend all this time with your man and you think you know him, you guys plan your whole life together and you're open with him about what you want and who you are, you think you're getting the same from him and when things get too serious or too real, they cut and run. What's that about? I thought we wanted the same things? I thought we wanted them together? Oh, we did want them together until things started getting too real, until we started fighting. Then you don't want those things anymore and you can no longer see us being together. Well thanks, that makes me feel all tingly inside. I really appreciate that. Men are the devil.
Moving on from all this heavy talking I've been doing lately. I'm truly interested in following blogs that are just guys or girls talking about their adventures in life, it's so fun to see the things you have in common with people you've never met, people who are hundreds or thousands of miles away from you. But for some reason whenever I hit that "next blog" button all I find are the families. I guess for me having a family blog or a blog shared with your husband is kind of like having a shared Facebook. I don't get it. I mean, you can have a blog all by yourself and share your life stories involving your husband and/or kids, but that doesn't mean you both need to be on the blog. Actually, from what it seems, most of the time it's just like it is on Facebook, the woman (usually) creates the Facebook/blog and puts JohnJane Doe and really it's just Jane doing all the updating, but she feels the need to have her husband on there too. To me, people who share Facebooks are people who can't fully trust their significant other. Like they need to check up on them and make sure they aren't doing anything they shouldn't be doing, so they put both their names on it so both their friends have to be on the one page. I wish more people would live their lives separately from their significant other. Don't get me wrong, I'm the kind of person who wants to spend as much time with mine as I can, but I also don't revolve my entire world around them. Anyway, I got off topic there. I just wish there were more search options on Blogger. Maybe there is and I just don't know about them, so if anyone knows of a way to search them that would be great!
I've been on a movie watching kick lately. I've been spending a lot of days at home, alone and watching movies. It's been quite relaxing actually. I should do this more often. There's a few movies in theaters that I'm really interested in seeing: Adjustment Bureau, Water for Elephants, Limitless, Hanna, Sourcecode, Lincoln Lawyer, The Hangover II, and probably a few more that I can't think of currently. Has anyone seen any of those yet? Well, I know you haven't seen Hangover yet, but that is sure to be hysterical. I saw the newest trailer and I almost died laughing. Those guys crack me up! I'd really like to read Water for Elephants before seeing the movie, but I'm not sure if I can wait that long. First I'd have to go and get a library card and all that, because I don't really want to buy the book, and that just seems like a hassle. Although I think one of my friends may own it, I'll have to inquire about that. What are some movies you guys are interested in seeing?
Stumbled across this and pretty much agree with it completely. Wild!
xoxo,
Me
There's nothing worse than thinking you're getting everything from your man. Basically what I mean is that you spend all this time with your man and you think you know him, you guys plan your whole life together and you're open with him about what you want and who you are, you think you're getting the same from him and when things get too serious or too real, they cut and run. What's that about? I thought we wanted the same things? I thought we wanted them together? Oh, we did want them together until things started getting too real, until we started fighting. Then you don't want those things anymore and you can no longer see us being together. Well thanks, that makes me feel all tingly inside. I really appreciate that. Men are the devil.
Moving on from all this heavy talking I've been doing lately. I'm truly interested in following blogs that are just guys or girls talking about their adventures in life, it's so fun to see the things you have in common with people you've never met, people who are hundreds or thousands of miles away from you. But for some reason whenever I hit that "next blog" button all I find are the families. I guess for me having a family blog or a blog shared with your husband is kind of like having a shared Facebook. I don't get it. I mean, you can have a blog all by yourself and share your life stories involving your husband and/or kids, but that doesn't mean you both need to be on the blog. Actually, from what it seems, most of the time it's just like it is on Facebook, the woman (usually) creates the Facebook/blog and puts JohnJane Doe and really it's just Jane doing all the updating, but she feels the need to have her husband on there too. To me, people who share Facebooks are people who can't fully trust their significant other. Like they need to check up on them and make sure they aren't doing anything they shouldn't be doing, so they put both their names on it so both their friends have to be on the one page. I wish more people would live their lives separately from their significant other. Don't get me wrong, I'm the kind of person who wants to spend as much time with mine as I can, but I also don't revolve my entire world around them. Anyway, I got off topic there. I just wish there were more search options on Blogger. Maybe there is and I just don't know about them, so if anyone knows of a way to search them that would be great!
I've been on a movie watching kick lately. I've been spending a lot of days at home, alone and watching movies. It's been quite relaxing actually. I should do this more often. There's a few movies in theaters that I'm really interested in seeing: Adjustment Bureau, Water for Elephants, Limitless, Hanna, Sourcecode, Lincoln Lawyer, The Hangover II, and probably a few more that I can't think of currently. Has anyone seen any of those yet? Well, I know you haven't seen Hangover yet, but that is sure to be hysterical. I saw the newest trailer and I almost died laughing. Those guys crack me up! I'd really like to read Water for Elephants before seeing the movie, but I'm not sure if I can wait that long. First I'd have to go and get a library card and all that, because I don't really want to buy the book, and that just seems like a hassle. Although I think one of my friends may own it, I'll have to inquire about that. What are some movies you guys are interested in seeing?
Stumbled across this and pretty much agree with it completely. Wild!
xoxo,
Me
Friday, April 8, 2011
I know, I know.
Ok, I know I just posted something, but I've got another thing to bitch about discuss. Being that I just created this blog, I'm trying to find some people to follow and I've basically just been going to the "next" button on the top of each blog. Oh my gosh, is it just me or is every single one that comes up a family blog?! I'm kind of trying to make it a rule to not follow family blogs, too much stuff I can't relate to and I don't really want to hear about someones kids and husband all the time. Am I jealous because I don't have those things? Yeah, probably. But, the point is, this is my blog and I can follow whomever I so choose, and I choose not to follow families. Ugh. Suggestions about blogs to follow? Anyone? Bueller...Bueller?
HELP!
xoxo,
Me
HELP!
xoxo,
Me
Where to start.
I suppose I should start off by saying that this blog has been made for one reason, that reason being I wanted a place to go where I could put it all out there. I needed a place that I could go to just let it all out there, start fresh and not feel like I need to censor myself because people I know were reading.
So, where do I start?? Such a good question. I guess I'll start from the beginning! Ok, well, not the very beginning, that would take way too long. There are a few things I'd like to go over today. My number one thing is friends. Who has those friends that are just fair weather friends? I'm kind of getting too old to have those types of friends. I just want friends that are truly my friend and aren't going to go talking behind my back. Is that so much to ask? I'm afraid in this day and age it is. I think I can count the number of people that are that kind of friend - the kind that's truly my friend, not the fair weather kind - to me on one hand. And, just for the record, I have a normal hand with just five fingers. What has happened to the world? It's all about gossip and hurting people anymore. But let's not focus on the negative, shall we? I enjoy that I only have a few friends that I can really trust and know that they're not ever going to be out to get me. I think it means a whole lot more. Don't get me wrong, I have other friends, just not that many real friends that I would trust with my life. I think it's definitely ok to have friends that you can't completely trust, because if you trust everyone there's something wrong with you. Come on, be honest, there's never going to be a group of 30 friends that you can honestly trust with every dirty detail of you life and know they aren't going to go tell someone else. Am I right? Of course I am. I think having a handful of real friends is so much more rich than anything else. I know I can complain to them, cry to them, tell them my good news, tell them...anything! And I can completely trust they aren't going to run off and tell the first "friend" they see while they're out for an evening cocktail or something along those lines. You guys getting my drift out there? I sure hope so.
With all that being said, I find it extremely interesting the kind of people you become close to. Is it the person you've known since you were 2? Is it the person from your English class in high school that you never actually spoke to while you were in the class, but you guys ran into each other while you were out with a mutual friend? Is it the boy/girl you had a crush on when you were younger? Is it an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it someone you met while on vacation? I mean, there are so many amazing possibilities of who your friends could be! That completely fascinates me to no end. Though it is a sad day when you and your "best friend" part ways. It's almost like breaking up with a boyfriend, except so much worse because she's the one you would complain to about your boyfriend. I don't like losing friends, but as you grow up, it happens. There's nothing wrong with that, I think it's completely normal. It's like shedding yourself of old skin, sometimes every few years you need to re-evalute your life and see if the people in it are hurting it or helping it. I'd say that the ones who are hurting it should probably get the boot, but to each their own.
Another thing I find incredibly interesting, and painfully uninteresting all at the same time, is relationships. Like, real relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, husband/husband, whatever you prefer! I realize that when you start dating someone you're probably not going to be 100% your real self, at least most people aren't anyway, and that's cool because you need to get to know someone for yourself anyway, you can't just take their word for it. That goes back to trusting everyone, if you trust the boy who tells you on day one that he'll be the guy who will make all other guys you've dated look like a pile of dog shit, I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to believe that, what girl wouldn't? But, you need to find out for yourself. Does he do special things for you just because? Does he tell you you're beautiful when you wake up in the morning and he's been watching you sleep? Does he buy you the object you've been wanting but have been putting off getting because you think you don't deserve it? Well, I've dated guys that have done that stuff, but not all of it. And it was nice while it lasted, the first couple months you're together. But then things get serious, you start hanging out more and meeting each others families and friends, then you start fighting and you start seeing them for who they really are. And after all is said and done and the fight is over, do you still feel the same way about them as you did before? I'm at a point in my life where I've been lied to by so many men it's almost second nature, but I don't punish others for the ones from my past. I am, however, definitely not ever again going to be the first person to utter those three little, yet extremely powerful, words. Never. Again. I don't care if Jude Law came along and wanted to date me (so long as we don't have a nanny anywhere around), I'm not going to tell him I love him first. No way! Not happening Jude, sorry honey! So, in that way, I guess I'm definitely punishing my future for my past. We can't all be perfect.
Well, I think this gives everyone a little bit to ponder over. Kind of deep for my first post, huh? Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.
xoxo,
Me
So, where do I start?? Such a good question. I guess I'll start from the beginning! Ok, well, not the very beginning, that would take way too long. There are a few things I'd like to go over today. My number one thing is friends. Who has those friends that are just fair weather friends? I'm kind of getting too old to have those types of friends. I just want friends that are truly my friend and aren't going to go talking behind my back. Is that so much to ask? I'm afraid in this day and age it is. I think I can count the number of people that are that kind of friend - the kind that's truly my friend, not the fair weather kind - to me on one hand. And, just for the record, I have a normal hand with just five fingers. What has happened to the world? It's all about gossip and hurting people anymore. But let's not focus on the negative, shall we? I enjoy that I only have a few friends that I can really trust and know that they're not ever going to be out to get me. I think it means a whole lot more. Don't get me wrong, I have other friends, just not that many real friends that I would trust with my life. I think it's definitely ok to have friends that you can't completely trust, because if you trust everyone there's something wrong with you. Come on, be honest, there's never going to be a group of 30 friends that you can honestly trust with every dirty detail of you life and know they aren't going to go tell someone else. Am I right? Of course I am. I think having a handful of real friends is so much more rich than anything else. I know I can complain to them, cry to them, tell them my good news, tell them...anything! And I can completely trust they aren't going to run off and tell the first "friend" they see while they're out for an evening cocktail or something along those lines. You guys getting my drift out there? I sure hope so.
With all that being said, I find it extremely interesting the kind of people you become close to. Is it the person you've known since you were 2? Is it the person from your English class in high school that you never actually spoke to while you were in the class, but you guys ran into each other while you were out with a mutual friend? Is it the boy/girl you had a crush on when you were younger? Is it an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it someone you met while on vacation? I mean, there are so many amazing possibilities of who your friends could be! That completely fascinates me to no end. Though it is a sad day when you and your "best friend" part ways. It's almost like breaking up with a boyfriend, except so much worse because she's the one you would complain to about your boyfriend. I don't like losing friends, but as you grow up, it happens. There's nothing wrong with that, I think it's completely normal. It's like shedding yourself of old skin, sometimes every few years you need to re-evalute your life and see if the people in it are hurting it or helping it. I'd say that the ones who are hurting it should probably get the boot, but to each their own.
Another thing I find incredibly interesting, and painfully uninteresting all at the same time, is relationships. Like, real relationships. Boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, husband/husband, whatever you prefer! I realize that when you start dating someone you're probably not going to be 100% your real self, at least most people aren't anyway, and that's cool because you need to get to know someone for yourself anyway, you can't just take their word for it. That goes back to trusting everyone, if you trust the boy who tells you on day one that he'll be the guy who will make all other guys you've dated look like a pile of dog shit, I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to believe that, what girl wouldn't? But, you need to find out for yourself. Does he do special things for you just because? Does he tell you you're beautiful when you wake up in the morning and he's been watching you sleep? Does he buy you the object you've been wanting but have been putting off getting because you think you don't deserve it? Well, I've dated guys that have done that stuff, but not all of it. And it was nice while it lasted, the first couple months you're together. But then things get serious, you start hanging out more and meeting each others families and friends, then you start fighting and you start seeing them for who they really are. And after all is said and done and the fight is over, do you still feel the same way about them as you did before? I'm at a point in my life where I've been lied to by so many men it's almost second nature, but I don't punish others for the ones from my past. I am, however, definitely not ever again going to be the first person to utter those three little, yet extremely powerful, words. Never. Again. I don't care if Jude Law came along and wanted to date me (so long as we don't have a nanny anywhere around), I'm not going to tell him I love him first. No way! Not happening Jude, sorry honey! So, in that way, I guess I'm definitely punishing my future for my past. We can't all be perfect.
Well, I think this gives everyone a little bit to ponder over. Kind of deep for my first post, huh? Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.
xoxo,
Me
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