I always jinx myself...

Seriously, what is my problem??  I feel like this always, always, always happens to me!  Like, the second I start putting up pictures and talking more about someone...it all falls apart.  *sigh*

So, last Sunday was like any other; I sat around the house and watched movies all day, texting with SM while he was at work.  He gave me a call a little after he got off work and we chatted it up for about 5-10 minutes...then he drops the bomb.  "I've been really sad because of you lately...the distance is really hard on me...I think we should go back to how it was..."  WHAT?!  So, he wants to go back to just being SMs and not actually dating.  Call me crazy, but I can't just go back to that as simply as I could go from being SMs to being boyfriend/girlfriend...and I'm not exactly sure how he'd expect me to do that.  I could list off all of the things that he said, but it doesn't really matter; what matters is that I'm a huge fool and I will wait around for him, just as he asked.  Well, I guess I should at least explain that part.  We always talked about me moving to wherever it is that he gets a new job (he's applied to a few different places) and he said he still wants that, still wants to date when we can be closer to each other.  So, I don't know, I'm so confused.  I want to believe that all of what he told me is true, but I am living proof that there are plenty of times a guy will just tell you what they think you wanna hear so you're less upset.  I've decided to confront him tonight, as much as one can confront someone over the phone, because if he doesn't really mean it I just want him to let me go altogether.  I'm actually taking it waaaaay better than I've ever taken a break up before.  I've hardly cried, though I do have my moments where I'll just break down out of nowhere.

His sister text me the day after it happened, apologizing for him being stupid, which made me feel a little bit better because at least I know I've still got a friend in her.  I'm still going to see her in a couple weeks, though I made sure to ask if she still wanted me to come because I didn't want to put her in a weird position with SM.  She said it's not weird for her and that she still wanted me to come, but she'd understand if I didn't want to if it would make me uncomfortable.  I think it'll be nice to get away from here for a little while, so I'm just still going to go and make the best of it!  Not like I was going there to see him anyway.

I'm trying to hard to go back to normal, just do our regular chit chatting all day long about nothing, but it's hard.  I know it sounds silly, but I've not even called him SM for a week now via text.  We still talk everyday, still say 'good morning' and 'good night' and all that jazz...but the texting is different.  I'm making it different.  But, I truly just can't help it.  My heart is hurting.  And though we never said those 3 little words, I still care so strongly for him and am still in disbelief about it all.  I think if there was some sort of clue that this was going to happen, it wouldn't have blown me away so badly.  But, for goodness sake, the man talked to me like normal for 5-10 mins before even saying anything!  I was literally on my Kayak app looking up plane tickets for the next time I would possibly see him.  Earlier in the day I'd looked up halfway meeting points for us after I move to SC.  I felt like a complete fucking idiot.

Anyway, that's my sob story for the day.

If you haven't seen The Lucky One yet, you definitely should.  I know seeing chick flicks probably aren't in my best interest right now, but I couldn't help myself.  I've already seen it twice.  Nicholas Sparks just writes the most romantic male characters, it's hard to resist!

Hope you guys are having a lovely weekend and may it continue into the upcoming week!

xoxo,
Me

South Carolinaaaa, come on and raise up!!

Ok, so I know the song is actually "North Carolinaaaa, come on and raise up," but SC was more fitting.  You'll see in a second...

Source

So, one of my besties graduated from Physicians Assistant school for the Navy in December, and she recently got her first duty station down in South Carolina.  Guess who's moving there??  ME, ME, ME!!  Yayayay!  I really despise Ohio and it's really not getting any better.  I almost think I'm depressed being here, I spend my time hanging out by myself in my room or walking around Target alone.  I do have some friends here, but not many and not any that I'd like to hang out with on a regular basis.  Not to mention I hate, absolutely loathe, my job.  I've been trying to tough it out as long as possible, but it's just not getting better and I've noticed a decline in my health since working there.  My anxiety is out of control and so is my stress.  I've been saving as much as possible over the last couple months and I'll definitely have enough to hold me over for a couple months down in SC.  Though I'm hoping it doesn't take me a couple months to find a job, I'm just trying to plan ahead.  Not to mention I have 141 hours of PTO (paid time off) that will be paid out to me when I leave, which will be about $2000 after it's taxed to hell in my last paycheck.  Two things though:  I haven't told my parents yet (whoops) and I haven't told work.  I plan on telling my parents sometime within the next 2 weeks and I'm going to wait until mid-May to tell my work.  I generally always give a job about a months notice if I can, and I plan to leave mid-June, so that'll work out.  I'm really trying to do it so I'm not leaving my job in a bad position, but they take for-fucking-ever to fill positions.  We just hired a girl 4 months after we fired one and another gal left in February and we've only interviewed a couple people for that job.  They are so ridic about that shit.  Either way, I hope getting away from here will help with my anxiety.

I don't have much news other than that.  One of my friends and I have been on the hunt (daily) for misspellings wherever we can find them!  I'm horrible with punctuation, I have no idea where to put commas, colons, semicolons, etc., but I'm pretty fantastic at spelling!  So, because we have nothing better to do with our lives, and he lives in Vegas so we have to have some sort of fun, we're just assholes and judge people's lack of ability to spell.  I found this prize at Texas Roadhouse today while we were there for Easter lunch:

Hostest...??  With the mostest?!  Fail.

Anyway, back to work tomorrow, which I'm dreading.  Going to have to spend the next month and a half catching up on shit I've put off, so that way it's not a HUGE mess for whichever person they put in my place.  Blarg.

Hope everybody have a nice Easter!  :)

xoxo,

Me

The return of moi...for now.

Alas, I have returned.  For the time being anyway.

My biggest news is that SM and I are actually, officially dating!  When I went for my visit to Key West back in December, we had a little chat, where I explained to him that it's not fair for him to punish me for those girls in his past.  He said he wasn't punishing me, but I didn't feel that way, since he said he'd NEVER date long distance again.  Either way, we talked it out and I got my man in the end!  Yay!  :)

Christmas came and went, and since I procrastinated on sending his gifts out (I'm the idiot who had them sent to me instead of directly to him) we opened them on Skype a few days later.  He did SUCH a great job with mine!  Like, I literally could not have done a better job myself!  He got me an Alabama Crimson Tide shirt from Victoria's Secret, a Browns shirt that has A. Foster on the back (and the number 55, since I love multiples of 5), aaaand a necklace that says "My Soul Mate" in Gaelic.

One day in January, I'd been at a friend's parent's house for New Girl (every Tuesday night ritual) and didn't get home until about 10.  I'm on the phone with my best friend, ready to head up to my room, when I notice a box at the bottom of the stairs.  Super confused, so I look at the tag, it's for me.  Hmmm, weird.  Too dark in the house for me to see where it's from...so I stick my nose right up to it and see two of the most beautiful words ever, "Gerbera Daisies."  EEEEEEEEK!!  Whaaaaat?!  For meeeee?!  He had randomly bought me flowers, "just because," and I was so excited I started crying.  I've literally never had a boyfriend buy me flowers for no reason.

For my birthday, Feb 6, he flew up to Ohio to see me.  Best birthday present ever!  After a few days here, we went to Illinois to see his family and I got to meet his mom, sister and nephew for the first time.  I'd met his dad briefly back in June when I dropped him off after our first weekend together.  It was a great week, best week I can remember in a long time!  Now the worst part starts.  The waiting.  I have absolutely no idea when we'll be able to see each other again because I've got work, he's got work...and tickets to Key West around this time run about $800 a pop.  That's just way too much for me to spend right now.  And it SUCKS.

So, a few months ago, SM's best friend and I started chatting it up, harmless things obviously.  It began with Dexter stuff, then we'd just chat about everyday things, then we became like the best of buddies!  He'd tell me everything and I'd tell him everything, it was pretty cool!  I was thinking it was a good thing, considering I am dating his best friend.  But things have recently gotten awkward.  He is interested in one of my closest friends, and they began texting, but he's legally still married so she wants nothing to do with him right now, except to be friends.  Respectable decision, and he gets it.  But he also stopped talking to SM a month or so ago, because he didn't like how he was acting, said he was being different...and just recently told me that he'd said some not-so-great things about me, only to retract them a few days later.  Whatever, these things happen, I complain about SM as well, so I wasn't too worried about it.  Except recently he told SM about something that he and I had talked about, and it really freaking irritated me.  Mostly I was irritated because he misquoted me, which just pisses me off, because if you're going to "tattle" on me, at least say it how things really happened.  But then I was irritated because SM didn't even bother to really listen to my side of it and got aggravated when I tried to explain myself.  What. The. Fuck.  So, he goes a month without even talking to SM then breaks his silence to tell him I got butt hurt about something.  He's acting so childish that I can barely stand it.  The only reason he even said anything to SM was because I told my close friend that he was being a jerk and told her what he said.  Oooook, so we're playing that game??  Cool.  Well, basically anything I've ever complained about regarding SM, I've ended up telling SM about anyway because I'm not trying to be "that girl" that complains about her boyfriend but doesn't even bother telling him that she's mad about something so they can work it out.  Ugh.  I know this whole paragraph was a huge pile of nonsense and it probably makes no sense, but I had to get it out.  It's just so freaking frustrating!

Anyway, I've recently acquired the status of "having no life," so I'm going to try and be a better blogger.  Promise.  But, please note the word TRY.

xoxo,

Me