Seriously, what is my problem?? I feel like this always, always, always happens to me! Like, the second I start putting up pictures and talking more about someone...it all falls apart. *sigh*
So, last Sunday was like any other; I sat around the house and watched movies all day, texting with SM while he was at work. He gave me a call a little after he got off work and we chatted it up for about 5-10 minutes...then he drops the bomb. "I've been really sad because of you lately...the distance is really hard on me...I think we should go back to how it was..." WHAT?! So, he wants to go back to just being SMs and not actually dating. Call me crazy, but I can't just go back to that as simply as I could go from being SMs to being boyfriend/girlfriend...and I'm not exactly sure how he'd expect me to do that. I could list off all of the things that he said, but it doesn't really matter; what matters is that I'm a huge fool and I will wait around for him, just as he asked. Well, I guess I should at least explain that part. We always talked about me moving to wherever it is that he gets a new job (he's applied to a few different places) and he said he still wants that, still wants to date when we can be closer to each other. So, I don't know, I'm so confused. I want to believe that all of what he told me is true, but I am living proof that there are plenty of times a guy will just tell you what they think you wanna hear so you're less upset. I've decided to confront him tonight, as much as one can confront someone over the phone, because if he doesn't really mean it I just want him to let me go altogether. I'm actually taking it waaaaay better than I've ever taken a break up before. I've hardly cried, though I do have my moments where I'll just break down out of nowhere.
His sister text me the day after it happened, apologizing for him being stupid, which made me feel a little bit better because at least I know I've still got a friend in her. I'm still going to see her in a couple weeks, though I made sure to ask if she still wanted me to come because I didn't want to put her in a weird position with SM. She said it's not weird for her and that she still wanted me to come, but she'd understand if I didn't want to if it would make me uncomfortable. I think it'll be nice to get away from here for a little while, so I'm just still going to go and make the best of it! Not like I was going there to see him anyway.
I'm trying to hard to go back to normal, just do our regular chit chatting all day long about nothing, but it's hard. I know it sounds silly, but I've not even called him SM for a week now via text. We still talk everyday, still say 'good morning' and 'good night' and all that jazz...but the texting is different. I'm making it different. But, I truly just can't help it. My heart is hurting. And though we never said those 3 little words, I still care so strongly for him and am still in disbelief about it all. I think if there was some sort of clue that this was going to happen, it wouldn't have blown me away so badly. But, for goodness sake, the man talked to me like normal for 5-10 mins before even saying anything! I was literally on my Kayak app looking up plane tickets for the next time I would possibly see him. Earlier in the day I'd looked up halfway meeting points for us after I move to SC. I felt like a complete fucking idiot.
Anyway, that's my sob story for the day.
If you haven't seen The Lucky One yet, you definitely should. I know seeing chick flicks probably aren't in my best interest right now, but I couldn't help myself. I've already seen it twice. Nicholas Sparks just writes the most romantic male characters, it's hard to resist!
Hope you guys are having a lovely weekend and may it continue into the upcoming week!
xoxo,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment