I need this...

It is with a heavy heart that I've returned to my blog, unfortunately. But I really needed some place to go where I could just SAY what I feel like I can't say to anyone. I feel like people kind of get sick of hearing about the same thing over and over again, no matter how it's affected you. Also, if you've kept some things to yourself prior to an incident, some people may not GET why it's affecting you so much.

Anyway, that was super vague. What I'm trying to get at is this....someone I was on the verge of falling in love with was recently killed while serving his country and protecting our freedoms. His name is Aaron and aside from one major flaw, he was damn near perfect. Well, to me.

So, to start from the beginning, my friend/roomie (the one I moved down to SC to stay with) was dating this guy in the Army and I enlisted his help to find me someone to mess around with. You see, the day before I moved down to SC I found out "SM" had cheated on me while we were together and I was looking to blow off some steam. And, what's that saying? "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Yeah, I was all about that. Anyway, so Katie and Adam (my friend and her boyfriend) decided that Adam's one roomie would be a good pick for me. Seemed like he's not looking for anything serious, good looking guy and really nice.

June 18, 2012.
The four of us meet up for dinner at a halfway point since we live in SC and the guys live in GA, and go to some place called FATZ. We were all chatting it up and having a good time and next thing I know we're talking about Top Gun and Aaron actually has stuff to say about it! Being that Top Gun is my favorite movie, I was immediately impressed. We had a nice time during dinner and when we were done, both Katie and Adam needed to use the bathroom, so Aaron and I walked outside together. It was in that moment that I noticed he was wearing Chucks. Whaaaaaat?! YES!! Before leaving the house I said to myself, "put the Chucks back, Amy, wear flip flops so you're not a total tomboy," and I kind of kicked myself for doing that after seeing his. Regardless, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I almost wore MY Chucks tonight, too!" Aaaaand just another thing for us to bond over, haha. So, we're outside talking about movies and Top Gun and he says it's his second favorite movie. AHHHH, second fav movie EVER?! That's a pretty big deal, I loved it! Then, we were talking about how my nickname for Adam was NBF for New Best Friend and Aaron was like, "looks like we are NBF's now, too." And I giggled about that. Katie and Adam came out then and we all walked to our respective cars and parted ways. I'll always remember what Aaron was wearing that day: plain grey t-shirt, camo shorts and grey Chucks. Looking all sorts of glorious in such a simple outfit.

That's our first meeting....I'll never forget it. Ever.

More to come.

Where to start.

I suppose I should start off by saying that this blog has been made for one reason, that reason being I wanted a place to go where I could put it all out there.  I needed a place that I could go to just let it all out there, start fresh and not feel like I need to censor myself because people I know were reading.

So, where do I start??  Such a good question.  I guess I'll start from the beginning!  Ok, well, not the very beginning, that would take way too long.  There are a few things I'd like to go over today.  My number one thing is friends.  Who has those friends that are just fair weather friends?  I'm kind of getting too old to have those types of friends.  I just want friends that are truly my friend and aren't going to go talking behind my back.  Is that so much to ask?  I'm afraid in this day and age it is.  I think I can count the number of people that are that kind of friend - the kind that's truly my friend, not the fair weather kind - to me on one hand.  And, just for the record, I have a normal hand with just five fingers.  What has happened to the world?  It's all about gossip and hurting people anymore.  But let's not focus on the negative, shall we?  I enjoy that I only have a few friends that I can really trust and know that they're not ever going to be out to get me.  I think it means a whole lot more.  Don't get me wrong, I have other friends, just not that many real friends that I would trust with my life.  I think it's definitely ok to have friends that you can't completely trust, because if you trust everyone there's something wrong with you.  Come on, be honest, there's never going to be a group of 30 friends that you can honestly trust with every dirty detail of you life and know they aren't going to go tell someone else.  Am I right?  Of course I am.  I think having a handful of real friends is so much more rich than anything else.  I know I can complain to them, cry to them, tell them my good news, tell them...anything!  And I can completely trust they aren't going to run off and tell the first "friend" they see while they're out for an evening cocktail or something along those lines.  You guys getting my drift out there?  I sure hope so.

With all that being said, I find it extremely interesting the kind of people you become close to.  Is it the person you've known since you were 2?  Is it the person from your English class in high school that you never actually spoke to while you were in the class, but you guys ran into each other while you were out with a mutual friend?  Is it the boy/girl you had a crush on when you were younger?  Is it an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?  Is it someone you met while on vacation?  I mean, there are so many amazing possibilities of who your friends could be!  That completely fascinates me to no end.  Though it is a sad day when you and your "best friend" part ways.  It's almost like breaking up with a boyfriend, except so much worse because she's the one you would complain to about your boyfriend.  I don't like losing friends, but as you grow up, it happens.  There's nothing wrong with that, I think it's completely normal.  It's like shedding yourself of old skin, sometimes every few years you need to re-evalute your life and see if the people in it are hurting it or helping it.  I'd say that the ones who are hurting it should probably get the boot, but to each their own.

Another thing I find incredibly interesting, and painfully uninteresting all at the same time, is relationships.  Like, real relationships.  Boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, husband/husband, whatever you prefer!  I realize that when you start dating someone you're probably not going to be 100% your real self, at least most people aren't anyway, and that's cool because you need to get to know someone for yourself anyway, you can't just take their word for it.  That goes back to trusting everyone, if you trust the boy who tells you on day one that he'll be the guy who will make all other guys you've dated look like a pile of dog shit, I'm pretty sure I'm going to want to believe that, what girl wouldn't?  But, you need to find out for yourself.  Does he do special things for you just because?  Does he tell you you're beautiful when you wake up in the morning and he's been watching you sleep?  Does he buy you the object you've been wanting but have been putting off getting because you think you don't deserve it?  Well, I've dated guys that have done that stuff, but not all of it.  And it was nice while it lasted, the first couple months you're together.  But then things get serious, you start hanging out more and meeting each others families and friends, then you start fighting and you start seeing them for who they really are.  And after all is said and done and the fight is over, do you still feel the same way about them as you did before?  I'm at a point in my life where I've been lied to by so many men it's almost second nature, but I don't punish others for the ones from my past.  I am, however, definitely not ever again going to be the first person to utter those three little, yet extremely powerful, words.  Never. Again.  I don't care if Jude Law came along and wanted to date me (so long as we don't have a nanny anywhere around), I'm not going to tell him I love him first.  No way!  Not happening Jude, sorry honey!  So, in that way, I guess I'm definitely punishing my future for my past.  We can't all be perfect.

Well, I think this gives everyone a little bit to ponder over.  Kind of deep for my first post, huh?  Sorry, I couldn't stop myself.

xoxo,
Me