NNBF

June 21, 2012.
Katie's friends from back home were down visiting and stayed with us a couple days then planned to spend some time down in Savannah. Well, Katie's bf lived relatively close to Sav, so we decided that the 3 of us would leave from his place and head out to meet her friends for an evening of shenanigans and then just all stay at Adam's casa, so we could get our drink on. Not gonna lie, I was pretty stoked because there was a chance I'd be seeing Aaron while over there. When we first arrived at the house, I immediately noticed Aaron outside on the dock...shirtless. Good lawd have mercy, I did NOT hate what I was seeing. But, because I'm a huge wuss, I decided to just stare at him from the safety of the house, where he couldn't see all the drool running down my face. I managed to snap out of it for a second and Katie introduced me to Aaron and Adam's roommate, Matt's, girlfriend. Jayma was a super nice girl and she was setting up streamers and stuff for Matt's return from Ranger school, but she had to get going so she could head down to wherever his school was to see him. Right after she left, Aaron comes strolling in the house and says something about me being too cool to come out and say hi...I just feigned innocence, "ohhh, I was talking with Katie and Jayma, sorry, I didn't even see you out there!" *LIES* Then he mentioned something about us being NBF's and I had to let him know...."Well, since Adam is my NBF, and I can't have two people with the same nickname, you're going to have to be NNBF for NEW New Best Friend!" He was totally down, SCORE! So, while Katie and Adam were in his room getting ready, I was chatting it up with Aaron. We talked about how he was getting promoted to Sergeant and how he'd been up since about 0400 that day, so he was really tired. I figured he probably wouldn't be interested in going downtown with us then, which kinda bummed me out, but I knew I'd see him the next day at the very least. We were all ready to head out at this point and we offered for him to meet up if he wanted, he said he might. Then, something I'll NEVER forget, when we said bye to him he said, "too-da-loo!" and it made me giggle. He would just say the silliest things all the time and it always gave me teenage girl giggles.

After a long night downtown, we headed back to the house. One of Adam's friends had met us out and he was a super nice guy...until he had too many drinks, then he just became aaaannoooooyiiiiiing! Well, he ended up coming back to the house with us because he'd had too much to drink and couldn't drive. *sigh* He was irritating me because he kept wanting to be all up in my business, so I made sure to sit on the opposite couch as him. Since Matt was still gone, I got to sleep in his room instead of on the couch, thank goodness, so I went in there to put my pj's on and came back out to watch some TV. Aaron had come in and out a few times, then one time he walked by in a towel after just taking a shower. Oh. My. Gah. I think that image is forever burned into my brain, and I am ok with that FOR SURE! I don't think I was exactly coy about my gawking either. Anyway, he kept walking by and I'm like, "so, do you wanna watch TV with us?" and he kept having things to do, like, ya know, putting clothes on, haha. And he had to go find his dog who wandered off a little ways. But, after that, he decided to watch some TV (thank goodness, so I didn't have to deal with creeper alone) and he sat on the little couch with me...WIN!! We got to chatting and he said he was going to be in my town on the 23rd to hang out with his brother and that we should hang out afterward. Uhhh, YES PLEASE! After a little while, we were both super tired and decided to leave creeper to watch TV alone, except he was actually just passed the eff out. So, we parted ways, him to his room and me to Matt's, then I remembered I had to give him my digits! So, I asked for his, put it in my phone and told him I'd text him. Once I did, while in different rooms, he was saying I should come hang out with him...soooo, I wandered into his room and we just talked, while lying in his bed. We started being all cuddly and being total teenagers with him saying stuff like, "I think I deserve a kiss on the cheek" and all sorts of just goobery stuff. Aaaaand, next thing ya know....clothes are off, lights are on and we are getting. down. to. business. It's SO weird...normally I am ridiculously self conscious about my body. Like, to the point that I've dated guys for as long as a year and they've only seen my butt ONCE. I'm just weird like that...but, when it came to Aaron, I NEVER felt that way. I could be naked with him, lights on, in daylight, and just be ok with it. He always made me feel SO good about myself. So, that was the night of our first sexcapade. Needless to say I didn't end up even sleeping in Matt's bed, hehehe!

Well, I think that's enough of THAT. Must shower now...and I might have to make it a cold one just remembering that night! :)

More to come.

I need this...

It is with a heavy heart that I've returned to my blog, unfortunately. But I really needed some place to go where I could just SAY what I feel like I can't say to anyone. I feel like people kind of get sick of hearing about the same thing over and over again, no matter how it's affected you. Also, if you've kept some things to yourself prior to an incident, some people may not GET why it's affecting you so much.

Anyway, that was super vague. What I'm trying to get at is this....someone I was on the verge of falling in love with was recently killed while serving his country and protecting our freedoms. His name is Aaron and aside from one major flaw, he was damn near perfect. Well, to me.

So, to start from the beginning, my friend/roomie (the one I moved down to SC to stay with) was dating this guy in the Army and I enlisted his help to find me someone to mess around with. You see, the day before I moved down to SC I found out "SM" had cheated on me while we were together and I was looking to blow off some steam. And, what's that saying? "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Yeah, I was all about that. Anyway, so Katie and Adam (my friend and her boyfriend) decided that Adam's one roomie would be a good pick for me. Seemed like he's not looking for anything serious, good looking guy and really nice.

June 18, 2012.
The four of us meet up for dinner at a halfway point since we live in SC and the guys live in GA, and go to some place called FATZ. We were all chatting it up and having a good time and next thing I know we're talking about Top Gun and Aaron actually has stuff to say about it! Being that Top Gun is my favorite movie, I was immediately impressed. We had a nice time during dinner and when we were done, both Katie and Adam needed to use the bathroom, so Aaron and I walked outside together. It was in that moment that I noticed he was wearing Chucks. Whaaaaaat?! YES!! Before leaving the house I said to myself, "put the Chucks back, Amy, wear flip flops so you're not a total tomboy," and I kind of kicked myself for doing that after seeing his. Regardless, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I almost wore MY Chucks tonight, too!" Aaaaand just another thing for us to bond over, haha. So, we're outside talking about movies and Top Gun and he says it's his second favorite movie. AHHHH, second fav movie EVER?! That's a pretty big deal, I loved it! Then, we were talking about how my nickname for Adam was NBF for New Best Friend and Aaron was like, "looks like we are NBF's now, too." And I giggled about that. Katie and Adam came out then and we all walked to our respective cars and parted ways. I'll always remember what Aaron was wearing that day: plain grey t-shirt, camo shorts and grey Chucks. Looking all sorts of glorious in such a simple outfit.

That's our first meeting....I'll never forget it. Ever.

More to come.

I always jinx myself...

Seriously, what is my problem??  I feel like this always, always, always happens to me!  Like, the second I start putting up pictures and talking more about someone...it all falls apart.  *sigh*

So, last Sunday was like any other; I sat around the house and watched movies all day, texting with SM while he was at work.  He gave me a call a little after he got off work and we chatted it up for about 5-10 minutes...then he drops the bomb.  "I've been really sad because of you lately...the distance is really hard on me...I think we should go back to how it was..."  WHAT?!  So, he wants to go back to just being SMs and not actually dating.  Call me crazy, but I can't just go back to that as simply as I could go from being SMs to being boyfriend/girlfriend...and I'm not exactly sure how he'd expect me to do that.  I could list off all of the things that he said, but it doesn't really matter; what matters is that I'm a huge fool and I will wait around for him, just as he asked.  Well, I guess I should at least explain that part.  We always talked about me moving to wherever it is that he gets a new job (he's applied to a few different places) and he said he still wants that, still wants to date when we can be closer to each other.  So, I don't know, I'm so confused.  I want to believe that all of what he told me is true, but I am living proof that there are plenty of times a guy will just tell you what they think you wanna hear so you're less upset.  I've decided to confront him tonight, as much as one can confront someone over the phone, because if he doesn't really mean it I just want him to let me go altogether.  I'm actually taking it waaaaay better than I've ever taken a break up before.  I've hardly cried, though I do have my moments where I'll just break down out of nowhere.

His sister text me the day after it happened, apologizing for him being stupid, which made me feel a little bit better because at least I know I've still got a friend in her.  I'm still going to see her in a couple weeks, though I made sure to ask if she still wanted me to come because I didn't want to put her in a weird position with SM.  She said it's not weird for her and that she still wanted me to come, but she'd understand if I didn't want to if it would make me uncomfortable.  I think it'll be nice to get away from here for a little while, so I'm just still going to go and make the best of it!  Not like I was going there to see him anyway.

I'm trying to hard to go back to normal, just do our regular chit chatting all day long about nothing, but it's hard.  I know it sounds silly, but I've not even called him SM for a week now via text.  We still talk everyday, still say 'good morning' and 'good night' and all that jazz...but the texting is different.  I'm making it different.  But, I truly just can't help it.  My heart is hurting.  And though we never said those 3 little words, I still care so strongly for him and am still in disbelief about it all.  I think if there was some sort of clue that this was going to happen, it wouldn't have blown me away so badly.  But, for goodness sake, the man talked to me like normal for 5-10 mins before even saying anything!  I was literally on my Kayak app looking up plane tickets for the next time I would possibly see him.  Earlier in the day I'd looked up halfway meeting points for us after I move to SC.  I felt like a complete fucking idiot.

Anyway, that's my sob story for the day.

If you haven't seen The Lucky One yet, you definitely should.  I know seeing chick flicks probably aren't in my best interest right now, but I couldn't help myself.  I've already seen it twice.  Nicholas Sparks just writes the most romantic male characters, it's hard to resist!

Hope you guys are having a lovely weekend and may it continue into the upcoming week!

xoxo,
Me

South Carolinaaaa, come on and raise up!!

Ok, so I know the song is actually "North Carolinaaaa, come on and raise up," but SC was more fitting.  You'll see in a second...

Source

So, one of my besties graduated from Physicians Assistant school for the Navy in December, and she recently got her first duty station down in South Carolina.  Guess who's moving there??  ME, ME, ME!!  Yayayay!  I really despise Ohio and it's really not getting any better.  I almost think I'm depressed being here, I spend my time hanging out by myself in my room or walking around Target alone.  I do have some friends here, but not many and not any that I'd like to hang out with on a regular basis.  Not to mention I hate, absolutely loathe, my job.  I've been trying to tough it out as long as possible, but it's just not getting better and I've noticed a decline in my health since working there.  My anxiety is out of control and so is my stress.  I've been saving as much as possible over the last couple months and I'll definitely have enough to hold me over for a couple months down in SC.  Though I'm hoping it doesn't take me a couple months to find a job, I'm just trying to plan ahead.  Not to mention I have 141 hours of PTO (paid time off) that will be paid out to me when I leave, which will be about $2000 after it's taxed to hell in my last paycheck.  Two things though:  I haven't told my parents yet (whoops) and I haven't told work.  I plan on telling my parents sometime within the next 2 weeks and I'm going to wait until mid-May to tell my work.  I generally always give a job about a months notice if I can, and I plan to leave mid-June, so that'll work out.  I'm really trying to do it so I'm not leaving my job in a bad position, but they take for-fucking-ever to fill positions.  We just hired a girl 4 months after we fired one and another gal left in February and we've only interviewed a couple people for that job.  They are so ridic about that shit.  Either way, I hope getting away from here will help with my anxiety.

I don't have much news other than that.  One of my friends and I have been on the hunt (daily) for misspellings wherever we can find them!  I'm horrible with punctuation, I have no idea where to put commas, colons, semicolons, etc., but I'm pretty fantastic at spelling!  So, because we have nothing better to do with our lives, and he lives in Vegas so we have to have some sort of fun, we're just assholes and judge people's lack of ability to spell.  I found this prize at Texas Roadhouse today while we were there for Easter lunch:

Hostest...??  With the mostest?!  Fail.

Anyway, back to work tomorrow, which I'm dreading.  Going to have to spend the next month and a half catching up on shit I've put off, so that way it's not a HUGE mess for whichever person they put in my place.  Blarg.

Hope everybody have a nice Easter!  :)

xoxo,

Me

The return of moi...for now.

Alas, I have returned.  For the time being anyway.

My biggest news is that SM and I are actually, officially dating!  When I went for my visit to Key West back in December, we had a little chat, where I explained to him that it's not fair for him to punish me for those girls in his past.  He said he wasn't punishing me, but I didn't feel that way, since he said he'd NEVER date long distance again.  Either way, we talked it out and I got my man in the end!  Yay!  :)

Christmas came and went, and since I procrastinated on sending his gifts out (I'm the idiot who had them sent to me instead of directly to him) we opened them on Skype a few days later.  He did SUCH a great job with mine!  Like, I literally could not have done a better job myself!  He got me an Alabama Crimson Tide shirt from Victoria's Secret, a Browns shirt that has A. Foster on the back (and the number 55, since I love multiples of 5), aaaand a necklace that says "My Soul Mate" in Gaelic.

One day in January, I'd been at a friend's parent's house for New Girl (every Tuesday night ritual) and didn't get home until about 10.  I'm on the phone with my best friend, ready to head up to my room, when I notice a box at the bottom of the stairs.  Super confused, so I look at the tag, it's for me.  Hmmm, weird.  Too dark in the house for me to see where it's from...so I stick my nose right up to it and see two of the most beautiful words ever, "Gerbera Daisies."  EEEEEEEEK!!  Whaaaaat?!  For meeeee?!  He had randomly bought me flowers, "just because," and I was so excited I started crying.  I've literally never had a boyfriend buy me flowers for no reason.

For my birthday, Feb 6, he flew up to Ohio to see me.  Best birthday present ever!  After a few days here, we went to Illinois to see his family and I got to meet his mom, sister and nephew for the first time.  I'd met his dad briefly back in June when I dropped him off after our first weekend together.  It was a great week, best week I can remember in a long time!  Now the worst part starts.  The waiting.  I have absolutely no idea when we'll be able to see each other again because I've got work, he's got work...and tickets to Key West around this time run about $800 a pop.  That's just way too much for me to spend right now.  And it SUCKS.

So, a few months ago, SM's best friend and I started chatting it up, harmless things obviously.  It began with Dexter stuff, then we'd just chat about everyday things, then we became like the best of buddies!  He'd tell me everything and I'd tell him everything, it was pretty cool!  I was thinking it was a good thing, considering I am dating his best friend.  But things have recently gotten awkward.  He is interested in one of my closest friends, and they began texting, but he's legally still married so she wants nothing to do with him right now, except to be friends.  Respectable decision, and he gets it.  But he also stopped talking to SM a month or so ago, because he didn't like how he was acting, said he was being different...and just recently told me that he'd said some not-so-great things about me, only to retract them a few days later.  Whatever, these things happen, I complain about SM as well, so I wasn't too worried about it.  Except recently he told SM about something that he and I had talked about, and it really freaking irritated me.  Mostly I was irritated because he misquoted me, which just pisses me off, because if you're going to "tattle" on me, at least say it how things really happened.  But then I was irritated because SM didn't even bother to really listen to my side of it and got aggravated when I tried to explain myself.  What. The. Fuck.  So, he goes a month without even talking to SM then breaks his silence to tell him I got butt hurt about something.  He's acting so childish that I can barely stand it.  The only reason he even said anything to SM was because I told my close friend that he was being a jerk and told her what he said.  Oooook, so we're playing that game??  Cool.  Well, basically anything I've ever complained about regarding SM, I've ended up telling SM about anyway because I'm not trying to be "that girl" that complains about her boyfriend but doesn't even bother telling him that she's mad about something so they can work it out.  Ugh.  I know this whole paragraph was a huge pile of nonsense and it probably makes no sense, but I had to get it out.  It's just so freaking frustrating!

Anyway, I've recently acquired the status of "having no life," so I'm going to try and be a better blogger.  Promise.  But, please note the word TRY.

xoxo,

Me